Kindness πŸŒͺ

I wanna talk about the ubber amazing, terrifying, majestic creature we call woman πŸ™ƒ. 

More specifically I want to talk about women’s attitude towards other women.  

Probably you can already guess if you’ve  read my ditties enough that something’s happened to spur these words to come out of my brain. 

I have been stewing over some experiences lately because for the life of me I cannot wrap my head around something. 

Why do women have to throw such shade and attitude towards other women??? 

I know I’m not the most normal being on the face of this earth….  I dress in my own fashion that sometimes doesn’t even make sense to me… I love to dance with no shoes on and realize I probably look like a mix of a stroke and a seizure all wrapped in one 😜 I hug people and I love having fun and being a free spirit. 

What I don’t understand is why a spirited person is met with glares and bitchy looks?? I speak not only from experience but I have also observed other women on the receiving end of a shade throwing campaign from other females… 

I can see you doing it… in fact most times you make it quite obvious. You get caught so red handed that you can’t even turn away in time to act like your not doing it. 

And not only do I see it but I can feel it because the funk is so thick that it actually makes me feel like it must exhaust you to put so much energy into being like that… So stop. πŸ™‚

Are you truly unhappy about something that you see me doing? Does something bother you about me because of the things you don’t like about yourself?  Are you insecure about something that it feels good for you to sit back and throw shade and looks of disapproval? πŸ€”  


Because I will guarantee you one thing… no one is a bigger dickhead to me than myself. So you can layoff. I got it covered.

I have done oodles and oodles of work in myself to get to the point where I can finally feel like I can be free to express myself in ways that makes my soul happy. It’s scary at times to be myself and not go with the crowd and what everyone else is doing… There are times when I feel like cowering back and making myself small again because the fear of what other people think and their judgement may creep into my thoughts.

So when I can feel your glares of disapproval it does take energy for me to let it roll off my back and continue to flutter around and be me. The true ME… not the one you think I should be. 

I was reflecting over this with a friend the other day and my main question is what if I met your hate with hate and the same snarky attitude? I couldn’t even imagine the dynamic and how different it would be. Actually that’s a lie.. I do know because probably (read: definitely) at some point in the past I responded much differently than I choose to now and know the outcome. 

Don’t you think we all have a hard enough time as it is with our own shitty committees in our heads that it would be much better if we greeted people with kindness? 


Although I see the glares and crusty looks plastered on your faces I try my hardest to return those with smiles and kindness. I am secretly sending you massive amounts of love because it’s clear to me that you may be lacking a little bit of self love for yourself… which is then causing you to direct that out to others. 


While most times it appears that the lights are on but no one is home upstairs πŸ™ƒ I actually have a lot going on in my pumpkin. Life is a big adventure to me and I am always learning and observing. But the thing I am focusing more on is how do I impact those around me? 

I know the struggle I have within my own self and I know other women share the same sentiment. This may be why I am more mindful of what I bring to the people and space around me. A side effect to that is that I notice now more than ever what energy others are bringing… 

Maybe that’s why I am struggling with this so much. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just skip over the nonsense and get right to the part where we all eat, drink, and be merry 🀘🏾. 

I’m not saying that everyone has to like everyone. That’s not where I am going with this.  But what I am getting is just because you don’t like someone you don’t have to harm them or go out of your way to ruin their time. What purpose does that truly serve? Just be kind and go about your merry little way. 

In summary what this blurb may really be about is letting others know that it’s ok to not be normal. We are all unique in our own rights. Let’s celebrate our differences and weirdnesses and practice kindness to those while they are brave enough to step out and grow into it.

It’s fun πŸ™‚ Trust me. I have a tribe of people that I know love and support me while I change and grow and possibly get more bizarre by the minute. 

The shade and attitudes really don’t bother me so that it gets me down… The real struggle is that I have been in their shoes. And I know how amazing it feels to shed that skin and be on this side of the fence and that I truly wish for them and all of us to be free and happy. 

Enough for now… 

All my love… 

a. Danielle ❣️

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An open blurb to the wife before me πŸ’«

I have felt a strange pull towards making some sort of apology to the wife that came before me. 

I have this deal in my brain that won’t shut up and will keep nagging at me until I finally give in and take action (OMG isn’t that a man’s description of a wife?!? I have a wife weeble in my brain??!). It starts subtly at first eventually turning pretty relentless. I am learning that this is my que to set up shop for a bit and work through whatever it is that is bitching at me. πŸ™‚


So here we go. 

I am not in AA or working the steps… Going back and making amends would be step 8 in case you were wondering. 


I do a massive amount of reflecting on my life and anywhere I have caused either myself or someone else harm (not physical, silly, although I will cut someone if need be πŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺ) I would like to try and fix it.

I will point out that this will never actually land in her hands (unless someone reading this sends it to her). I have no intention of actually giving this to her. 

This is for me. All of anything that I ever write will always be for me. It will be for my personal growth and best interests in mind. 

Here’s why I want to apologize… 

I hated you. I fell hook line and sinker for the sob story that was spoon fed to me about you. 

YOU were the cheating whore… He was so hurt and broken down by the pain you had caused him through your marriage. 

I was fed stories about how he was an innocent victim of you physically assaulting him….  I would like to sadly admit that later on during the war that was the end of my “term” with him I may or may not have uttered that I wish you would have kicked his ass harder 😳 

I know… I know I’ll add that to the list of things I need to amend πŸ™‚ 

But this was only phase one… follow along.

I didn’t realize it at the time but I was being groomed methodically to hate you. 


It’s crazy looking back how much ill feelings and hatred I harbored in my body over you. 

But this was his plan… you see because when he could see me get fired up about how you could treat someone so innocent and special as him like you did… he knew he had me hooked. I had taken his bait and bought his story. 

I was devoutly loyal to him thinking it was “love”… Oh silly me. 


Looking back it feels like I was in a cult and he was the cult leader. Slowly grooming me as a pawn for whatever game he felt like playing.

Let’s move on to phase 2. 

I can tell you with a million percent certainty that this is where my soul began to crack. 

After spending ample time making sure I knew you were a whore version of Lucifer… a strange change of events started occurring. 

He started slowly comparing me to you… he would rub it in my face that you were wanting to get back together even though your then boyfriend was living with you at your guys marital house… 

Talk about confused πŸ˜•

All the sudden your interior decorating skills were better than mine… his family loved you more because you were his wife and I am just a girlfriend… You could cook better and breath better and all the frick sudden you were Mother Theresa and not the lucifer he had painted you out to be previously…

In case your slow on the uptake like I am… I will cliff note this out for you readers… 

He was planting seeds of insecurity and doubt in me… and the harvest of all the feelings of severe lack of self worth and self esteem and horrific confidence moved in – and let me tell you. Those bitches… once they move in they are harder than hell to eradicate. 

This caused me to constantly start comparing myself to you… what ever you did how can I do better? And without me even noticing he lounged back and watched me dance around him like a little puppet trying to prove my worth to him… 

Let the games really begin folks. We will get into more of that later. Trust me. πŸ’™

In hindsight I should have told him to kick rocks wayyyyyyyyyyyy before this all started happening. Today in the here and now I wouldn’t even DREAM of dealing with stuff like that. Ummmm, bye Felicia 😌 

I didn’t tell him to kick rocks and as batshit crazy as it sounds- I am beyond thankful that I didn’t. I was given this experience to do some wonderful work with. 

I pray daily for one of my dear friends to win the lottery because I KNOW he will do incredible INCREDIBLE things with the money. He will change people’s lives for the greater good and do wonderful work with that.

I also know that I was given this opportunity to go through what I did to do amazing things with it. I was trusted with this life because – even though it sure as shit didn’t feel like it at the time-  I could handle it… 

Ummm, like in my next life God… if I could just be the one to win the lotto that’d be good πŸ™‚ Okay?? πŸ˜‰

Sorry (not sorry) for the side track there. Back to why I want to apologize. 

Because he had further fed me with lies about you talking shit about me to mutual friends I had snapped and called you to tell you a little about yourself. As you can imagine I didn’t talk to you about the weather or tell you how great you are… some of the most venomous and hideous things came spewing out of my mouth and for this I am so sorry. 

I’m not going to debate about your character. I don’t know you at all. 

What I do know is that I have a responsibility to myself and those around me and the energy I bring with that. I NEVER want to be filled with such hatred or moved in such a fashion that I actively spew that out. 

I do not wish to cause harm on anyone – whether they have caused me strife or not. I have since learned and embraced the fact that hate will never drown out hate. 

I am immensely ashamed about my behavior and that’s why I need to apologize. 

I also want to apologize to that 22 year old version of me as well. I am so so so sorry that I allowed myself to be manipulated like I was and to be used like a pawn in a sick circus. 

What I know that went on was a very methodical plan carried out by our mutual ex husband. 

He tested his boundaries with me by feeding me lies about you and then lit a little fire to watch me dance and see how intensely loyal to him I was. 

Then when he accomplished the set point he used me as a pawn to do his dirty work by finishing up what he wanted to do or say to you because you hurt him. And you don’t hurt those kind of people and not pay for it. But he used me to do his dirty work so that he could remain with his “clean” image.

Friends I would like to introduce you to triangulation… 

This actually came full circle because what I did to you he moved right on to # 3 and used her to do the same thing to me. That’s another topic for a later date.

I’m not apologizing because it happened to me or karma slapped me in the face for how I treated you. So let’s make that clear. 

I’m apologizing because I want to clear the air. I am much more awake than I was before. 

And as much as this article may seem like the central theme is my dear ex and how he chooses to travel through this life – it is not. 

You have to know me better than that by now. 

What this boils down to and the message I bear on my soul is that we must be more diligent protecting ourselves and our hearts and how we view and treat ourselves. We have to be more diligent on the treatment from others we are willing to accept.

I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t struggle immensely with recognizing my value. For so long I accepted WAY less than I deserved. I believe a lot of us do.


I am way better than I used to be but have SOOOO much more growing to do. I hope that anyone reading this that has a feeling where it hits home will join me in their own personal self love revolution πŸ’™ 

We are all worthy of amazing things. I believe that with every ounce of my being. I see great things in others when they may not even see it themselves. 

I was told something on Friday by an amazing soul that has stuck with me like glue and it something I very much needed to hear… She said that “God says yes”…. 

What this means is that whatever stories your telling yourself – that is what your going to get. 

You don’t think you deserve a healthy relationship… then guess what your gonna get.. followin me??

Looking back I clearly have had major feelings of unworthiness but the beautiful things about reflection and working through the shitty feels- is that there is always a lesson to be found.

Enough for now…. 

All my love… 

a. Danielle ❣️

About going to Church… πŸ’«

This ramble has been brought on because two weeks ago I started a 5 week to happiness course at a church I had never been to. 

From the first night meeting the pastor of this church in class I felt an intense desire to attend an actual sermon from this guy. 

His energy was incredible, his mere presence and sharing of his personal story was inspiring to the extreme. 

I attended a service at that church this morning – late, OF COURSE πŸ™ƒ But I attended non the less. 

It so happened that there was a guest giving the sermon – which was fine because the message was still incredible. 

The entire experience was beyond moving. Almost to tears. It hit all the feelers. πŸ’• From the sermon to the band and singers to the other attendees. There was no lack of love or energy in those walls. 

I sat outside on their lawn chair afterwards to get some fresh air and reflect on my experience a bit… 


This is when I recalled that I had a discussion with a sweet friend a while ago  about how he didn’t feel like he needed to actually attend church and asked what I got out of it. 

First let me give you a little back ground of me… I used to be a huge HUGE dickhead. An asshole of epic proportions. If something positive came out of me it was an accident. I lacked inspiration and wandered aimlessly through life with a general foul attitude. 

I didn’t start physically going to church or seeking out a religious or spritual life until a few years ago. 

Recently I have made it more of a priority to attend church regardless of where I end up squatting for the weekend. 

Trust me- there are times when I don’t want to get up and go… And I’m sure those are the days that probably had a late Saturday night my crazy friends roped me into 😌😌😌

But my point is this…. It’s slowly SLOWLY become a priority for me to go. 

Why? 

This is what I reflected on today. πŸ’«

We don’t HAVE to physically attend church services. We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to. Mmmmmmkay 😌

What I am learning to be my understanding of God is that God is love. And you don’t necesarily “need” those 4 walls on each Sunday morning to seek a relationship with that. 

Love is also an action and not just a feeling. When we make a commitment to love in our hearts we are also making a commitment to God. 


So why do I go?

Because I recognize the power of surrounding myself with people and things that evoke feelings love and joy. I know the power of being inspired by what we surround ourselves with.

I know the effects of being with people that are negative or ooze drama and how it effects me personally being around that. 

I also know how valuable and finite our time is so its more important to me now than ever to fill my time wisely and do so with great things.

I will never be the type of person again that does something because that’s what I’m “supposed to do”… 

I got married because that’s what I thought I was “supposed” to do… I waited until way too late to get divorced because your not “supposed” to… And welp, fπŸ’₯ck that noise. ✌🏿️

I’m not going to go to church to go through the motions. Or just to say I go. Trust me when I tell you I am keenly aware that some people that attend church weekly can be amongst the most evil. But that’s got  nothing to do with us if that’s how they choose to live. 

I intentionally go to get something out of it. Each week that hour is like a fuel station for me. 

We are never perfect at anything. We must always practice our golf game.. Our running…. whatever it may be. Why would our spritual or religious life be any different??

I love seeing the people that sit in the pew next to me and in front of me at my favorite out of town church. I look forward to being blessed by their presence. Even though they are always late πŸ™‚ Ok never mind that’s me but anyhoooooo πŸ™‚

I embrace the messages that are being given as inspiration to carry me throughout the week. It helps me get centered again and back on focus. 

I leave the service yearning to find ways I can make a difference. The sermon today was about creating a revolution for compassion and my mind has been on overdrive ever since. I am inspired to the max πŸ’«

Do I “need” to go to church to get these feelers??? Absolutely not. 
But I want to. It brings me an obscene amount of joy. If it didn’t I wouldn’t go. 

If your attending church and you feel anything less than inspired when you leave let’s find a new place for you that you can. 

I have been to churches where I have left feeling out of sorts and I flat didn’t like it. What works for one person may not work for others. I respect that and simply found a new place that I love. 

I am lucky enough to have several sources of happy in a few different churches. 


It truly has been transformational for me. It took me a while to start “get it”… I hardly know anything out of the bible… I was raised by wolves- no joke πŸ˜•

But what I do know is that regardless of my knowledge of what the bible is – I know the words God and Love can be interchangeable. 

So would it change your perspective a little if you said you went to church to get closer to Love?? Or to practice getting to know Love? Or living like Love? 

All things are energy and we are more connected than we may realize. 

We all make ripples. Which brings me full circle to the beginning of my ramble. 

I chose to pursue this church simply because the pastor radiated feelings that made me want to be around. I WANT to absorb some of that goodness and therefore share that out to the world as well. 

I can now fully answer my friend when he asks me again what I get out of going to church. This doesn’t mean I will seek to change his mind or anyone else’s for that matter. 

I just know sharing our experiences can only help. 


Enough for now….. 

All my love…. 

a. Danielle ❣

Ambien dreams and real life nightmares πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€

Tonight I am feeling compelled to talk about my ex love affair with ambien. 

Heard of it? πŸ™ƒ 

It’s that glorious little pill that shuts you off from the world and sends you into a magical sleep wonder land of pure bliss… 

It quickly became my best buddy when I accidentally stumbled upon my (then) husbands pill bottle of it. It was prescribed to him after we had to pull the plug on his mother when she had her third and final catastrophic medical emergency that she did not come out of. 

He got it because he was a fireman and dealing with the stress of that job and losing his mother was a strain and rest was his ally.  

used it because I “thought” if I could get the same quality sleep as him I would be able to burn the candle at both ends.   

Shortly after losing my mother in law, who was the most important person I had in my life, I found out my real mom- who I had not spoken to for over 4 years was dying. 

Fuck. 

In less than 12 hours I had to shove aside all the yuck that caused me to remove my own mother and stepdad out of my life COMPLETELY… Ripping up cards she would mail me… Not answering phones, emails, texts,  smoke signals… You name it – I cut it. Done. Out. ✌🏿️

When we found out she was sick I pledged to myself to take care of her and give her the most dignity possible on the last stretch of her life here on earth. I went to every doctor appointment with them to help translate what the doctors were saying… Every night I had to re-explain what Stage 4 and paliative care meant to my step dad.. And watch him struggle to wrap his head around losing his person. 

I was tired. Figuratively and literally. I had no time to “feel” though. I needed to be a warrior in the daytime and sleep hard and in short amounts of time in the night. 

Enter knight in shining armour: Ambien πŸ’• 

Or so I thought…. 

You ever seen the warnings about the stuff?! 

Yup. 

It’s fucking great. You ever want the darkest blackest sleep you that you could imagine that you’d use one of your 3 wishes from a magic genie for??… This is your guy. 

I recall my first time taking it… I remember staring at the tv and it looked like I was in a 3D movie with stars coming out at me…  I couldn’t figure out the remotes. 

First off a little side note… One should not have 38 hundred remotes to a tv, a dvr cable box with 4948744949392 channels and leave me with not a damn clue how to work them 😌 Mmmmkay.

Back to the story… I remember sinking like a pile of bricks and feeling paralyzed into the bed and then boom πŸ’₯ Nothing. 

I found out the next day however, that that night I called my friend to tell her I didn’t know where I was… That I didn’t know how I got there…. Being the care taker that she was she told me to go out and look in the garage and see what was out there. Apparently I went to look in the garage and told her I couldn’t see anything. She told me to turn on the light. 

Wouldn’t ya know. I said “oh my cars here. I’m at home.”

She knew something was way off and told me go to bed and don’t move and don’t leave. I guess I talked to her for a while longer telling her I thought someone was under my bed even though she even knew my bed sat directly on the floor. Otherwise it was too tall for the dogs to get on….  

Ok don’t judge 😌 You know you let them sleep with you too. 

Anyway. The next day I felt insanely incredible. I woke up at 3:30am worked out, worked, went to all the Drs appointments, re hashed what stage 4 metastatic cancer meant to my stepdad, mowed, cooked, started laundry and walk the dogs and didn’t skip a beat. 

Ok. That sounded like I described being on meth which I can assure you with million percent certainty I was not doing. 

But the real magic happened at 8pm… I would pop my pill and and start to finish laundry… Then the next thing I knew it would be 3:30am time to get up and roll. 

However the laundry was done and put away the dishes were also done… It looked and felt basically like I had a maid because I remember doing NONE of it. 

UMMMMMM HELLO ☺️ Hook line and sinker. I was sold and in love. πŸ’•

Cause let’s be real folding and putting away laundry sucks – what could be better than doing it and not remembering a flipping thing πŸŽ‰ 

Why am I telling you about all this nonsense and divulging my dirty secrets to you, you ask??! 

Because this.


Follow me and fasten up. Maybe refill your tottie if your running low. It’s about to get good. Promise. 

Fast forward a few more ambien blissed out weeks and I found out that my beloved Neen (aka Grandma) got an infection in her knee replacement. She had to be wheeled around to appointments because grandpa also needed a hip replacement and couldn’t get around himself. 

I’ll ruin the ending and tell you the infection killed her and that my dead mom died 3 weeks after that to the day… Making her the 3rd of my dead peeps in 7 months to the day, almost to the hour. 

Yes you read that right… And yes I’m sure there will be a post later on about those items.

But here’s where the shift really started. My marriage started crumbling.. 

I’m a firm believer CBG died on the inside when we watched his mother take her last real breath when they shut the machines off. 

Everything changed. He was like a stranger.. There was no connection.. I didn’t know how to reach to him..  I was the biggest pile of ambien induced hot mess there was…

And I’ll ruin another ending for you here and go ahead and tell you we got divorced. And yup.  As you guessed there will be (numerous) more ditties about that. ☺️ Stay tuned babies πŸ’•


I do very much believe that everything happens for reason and alllllllll this had to happen to me, for me. 

I continued to drift to my ambien fields of butterflies and sparkles every night. However… The ambien rendezvous time crept up earlier and earlier… 😳 

I remember distinctly thinking “if I could just make it to 6:30pm I could pop my pill and the drift off to lala and still manage to get things done”… 

This is what one looks like when they are in the middle of making their to do list for the next day and Ambien decides it’s time to come frolick πŸ™‚  


Friends. Let me save you some wasted time here and tell you that if your living a life that the thing you most look forward to is drifting into a blacked out zone… Press the eject button NOW. 

Did you hear me??? GET THE FUCK OUT and do it immediately.  

You are not in the right life, the right story.. Shit you are not even in the right book. 

Save yourself. 


We were not given this beautiful gift of life to sleep through it, whether it be literally or metaphorically.

We are all SOOOOOO much more special than that. Each and every one of us. πŸ’•

Except I didn’t know that then and that’s why I’m sharing all this. I don’t want anyone to make my same mistakes… 

This helps me heal through writing about it. It helps me sort things out and learn from it. Hopefully not to make the same mistakes again. 

Life has a funny way of unfolding.

I could have told you back then my marriage was doomed. Instead of being brave and doing things to protect myself or remove myself from a storyline that I didn’t fit into anymore I did the next best thing. 

I drugged myself. I numbed myself out and it got me through. For a bit. 

My then husband would take all kinds of fantastic photos of me while I was off in fantasy land and post them on Facebook. 

This is one of my faves. 


It was borderline humiliating because he would post them on Facebook (we had a shared account…. Don’t ask…. Oh whatevs I’ll tell ya later πŸ˜‰). I would wake to 383728394957 notifications about them. It was funny to the outside world but not really humerous to me since I knew the reason I was in this state to begin with. 

I see now looking back that this humiliation would pale in comparison to my next big adventure I would go through … This was a boot camp training of sorts… Ya… That’s it. 

This is one of my favorites also. The sad thing about the entire situation is the person I was trying to escape from by drugging myself is the very person that had his arm around me posing for the picture. 


Ambien and I played for a while longer until even I realized that it was doing more damage than good anymore. 

We allllllllll have to face our shit eventually. Life will get louder and crazier and force you until you make decisions to change or life will do it for you… And trust me… It’s not pleasant usually.

I quit ambien one day on a whim and never looked back. 

I can’t even believe that person was me as I write about this. I could not imagine missing out on one second of my new life by numbing myself.

It’s been several years of some major ups and downs… Tons of therapy (I owe you for my new life Crazy Dr… You know who you are πŸ˜‰) finding my path to make room for God in my life.. And a lot of self development work. A shit pot full πŸ™‚

It feels incredible to be on this side of the fence now. However, I will always ALWAYS remain humble for the joy that is my new life because I have been down and out. 

I will always circle back to a quote from my girl Joyce Meyers that says “if Gods has brought you to it, it is so that you can help others through it”. 

And that’s why I do what I do. We never know who we may be inspiring by being the truest versions of ourselves. 

When I was numbing myself out I didn’t know who I was… Sad, but true story.  

Numbing ourselves out to life can come in various shapes and sizes. We all pick our poison. 

It is absolutely my intention that I own my past and use it as reminder to always be mindful for living a joyful life. 

I want to always be brave enough and have enough courage to switch directions and make some hard ass choices if the path I am on does not nourish my soul or makes me feel dead on the inside. 

I wish that for all of us, actually. 

I want to add a small disclaimer… This is not about him nor will it ever be. This is about me and always has been. It just took me a (lonnnngggggg) while to realize that. 

Enough for now.


All of my love…  

a. Danielle ❣

My laboratory shenanigans…

First off thank you for taking the time to read this πŸ’•  It means a lot to me.

BUT let’s be honest you would be silly not to because I am SO EXCITED about what I am going to share with you I can’t hardly stand it!!!  

This my peeps, is the first of many of my laboratory (kitchen) adventure blurbs! πŸ’« 

If you are on my snap or follow my IG it doesn’t take a genius to see where my happy is… Kitchen, Led Zeppelin, and dancin. πŸ’« 

Here’s how I decide what to write about…. I don’t. It just comes to me. You folks should be thankful for the crazy voice(s) in my head that prompted me to post this. 

Drum roll… 

Turkey. Enchilada. Baby. Meatloafs. 

Here you will observe them in their original form as “ingredients”… This looks like a big blob of crap πŸ˜– Apologies peeps.. I’m sure my photography skills will improve 😝🀘🏽



I don’t make make up my own recipes a whole lot but I have a real good ass time trying new things I find from other blogs etc that I follow. This is a top fave so far and way too good not to share with you! πŸ’•

Here’s my final product… I’m OBSESSSED. It may look like a pile of… πŸ’©. But kid yourself not its much more magical than that! 


I tweak the recipes I find sometimes and for this I added taco seasoning and it originally said to make one meatloaf πŸ˜• I didn’t have time to bake it for 4 years (50-60 mins) like it said originally to bake. 

I put them in baby loaf pans. How long did I bake them you ask??? 😐 

I can’t be sure because I forgot about them in the oven all together… Twice πŸ™ƒ

First, I got sidetracked and went to the plant store for a while…. 😳 

But how could you say no to these 😌 


I remembered there was food in the oven when I walked in and smelled food πŸ˜† 

I made sure nothing was burned (on fire, burning my house down etc) and all was well. 

I tend to want to overcook things… (Ever had salmonella?!?) 

Luckily, I had some more time so I went outside and got wrapped up with spritzing and taking selfies with Mr. Snib 😊 

 

So what’s the lesson here folks??? πŸ€” FπŸ’₯ck if I know but if you figure it out please let me know. 😊


Here’s the recipe from the actual site I found it. OH and I used oat flour (ground up oatmeal) instead of panko.. And don’t use salt and pepper. 

http://www.ohsweetbasil.com/turkey-meatloaf-enchilada-style.html

I look for recipes that are higher in protein but also super flavorful and this one nailed it. πŸŽ‰

As you get to learn more about me through my ditties you will notice I spend ALOT of time in my laboratory. 

It might look like I am purely “cooking” but it’s actually much more than that. 

I am forever on a journey to live a peaceful, serene life. (Been through my fair share of hard knocks) We are not always able to control our external circumstances  (shitty job, shitty mother / father in law… You get the drift). 

This might lead us to feel out of control, stressed, unhappy and void of energy at the end of the day.  Knife anyone πŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺ

What we do have control of more than we think – is what goes on in our pumpkins. 

I had read about meditating and the 4849503736 benefits of doing so but alway scoffed at it. 

I THOUGHT you had to sit scrossed legged on the floor in silence for hours on end to reap real benefits. 

NOT the case friends… Not the case. 

Meditation can be anything you enjoy doing… Running.. Making jewelry, cooking etc. 

It’s better than Zanax. Well… πŸ™ƒ no, for sure it is. 

Take the time to find something that brings YOU peace and joy. 

That’s what my cooking adventures are for me. Which is shocking because I used to HATE cooking. And I should have been good at it because dead mom was an AMAZING cook. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as her to learn anything.. Which we will get to at a later date πŸ˜• 

Another reason I cook and feel compelled to share is because I have had body issues.. I have been in the trenches fighting terrible food binge battles.. I have HATED what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I have fought hard to be at peace with food and my reflection. 

2 glaring blessings are that this has helped me to abstain from using food as a drug and cooking absolutely brings me an obscene amount of peace and joy by being my active mediation (namaste, bitches 🀘🏽)

 I also hope that I might inspire someone else to start loving themself more and in turn they may begin to make healthier decisions for their lives. 


…….. Ok. Since I can’t lie to you I must confess when I went to the store to get ingredients for this adventure I forgot the freakin meat… You know for the MEATloaf πŸ˜³πŸ˜πŸ˜† 

I don’t even know about myself sometimes. 

Until later dear friends ❣

All my love…

a. Danielle ❣

Ongoing research project…Β 

I have been very much in my head lately over something that became obvious I need to write about. 

If you do not know… I should tell you that I have been conducting this research project and it’s called: My Life 😳 


I’m divorced. 😣 Blah… there I said it. 

I want to never do that again (duh)… One thing in new life I am always trying to do is examine what I have been through and find how I can learn from it. 

This includes massive amounts of looking in the mirror at my role in the game. FUCK…. that gets uglies at times but sooooo so worth it. (Come on its ok… trust me ☺️)

Although the experience of the death of my marriage and what I thought my life was going to look like was horrific (or so I thought at the time)… It’s clearly becoming truly one of the most amazing things that could have happened to me. 

Each day that clicks on I feel more alive, more free, more vibrant and most importantly more of the true me I think I was always meant to be in the first place. πŸ’« If I hadn’t been such a dumbass and stayed somewhere I didn’t belong for FAR TOOOOOOO long 😳Apologies.. I digress.

It dawned on me a while back why I feel this way… I know now more than ever I am loved SOOOO MUCH ❣ I’m loved by myself more than I ever have been in my life… I have filtered out toxic relationships and have been blessed, BLESSED beyond measure with some of the most amazing people who love me unconditionally.. And finally I know I am loved by that big guy upstairs πŸ’• 

But why is this all so great and what makes this all so wonderful and envigorating I kept wondering?? 

It finally dawned on me (I love my intuitive voice πŸ’«) that the love is free flowing. My peeps don’t suffocate me… I don’t put stipulations on my self love.. And certainly there is no one more forgiving than Him. ❣


It was at this jarring realization that made me freeze in my tracks… 

Let’s be clear here… My marriage was all but over… In hospice.. On its death bed and there were certain other key things we will circle around to later πŸ˜‰ It will get good my loves… Promise ✌🏿️

But when I look back and see the panicked me that was about to have the floor drop out from below me – I did some terrible TERRIBLE things to another soul that are almost too embarrassing to write/ type. 

I suffocated…. I wanted to control.. I cut people out of his life all in attempt to I think at the time save my marriage???…

What I did was put a giant axe in it.  Please do not make my same mistakes…. 

I see now and know with every ounce of my being that love should flow freely. I should not have had to cut people off, suffocate him wanting to know his every move… I was frightened, I was losing my grip and now I want to apologize. To me.. To CBG… And to whomever was in my path of self destruction.


This ditty is one of my favorites of all times. ❣ When I was squeezing the death out of Mr. CBG I was not allowing him to be his true self…. And because I was so obscenely obsessed with changing everything about him I lost who I was and I am damn sure I didn’t love myself. 

This is how I came to realize that you cannot suffocate something and expect for it to thrive and blossom and sparkle into its true self in the jar with a lid on it that you are trying to jam them in. 

But the kicker and step two of the awareness…. Is you have to be brave enough to accept the other person as they are….  AS THEY ARE RIGHT NOW IN REAL TIME IN FRONT OF YOU…  Not as you can see them in the future after they have attended your university of “let me make you into something your not and kill your spirit”…  

We are not here to change or fix people. That simply is not our job. Our duty to ourselves, our loved ones, shit even strangers but most importantly to Him… is to be the best version of ourselves that we can be – and grow into our true authentic selves. 

I don’t sit back and wonder what would have happened if I would have released the death grip on him… No. That would serve me none. 

It’s given me incredibly valuable insight into how I want to love others going forward. It’s given me incredible insight into what kind of love I am willing to accept. 

I know without a grain of doubt that I would not be able to be who I am flourishing and fluttering to be if I was not loved freely by my peeps. Myself and Him included. 

We owe it to ourselves and others for sure to recognize who people are and deeply examine if we can love them exactly the way they are… If not let it go. We all deserve that much. 

The only small ouch I have over my death grip on Mr. CBG episode is that I would have been brave enough to let go much sooner… 

I can’t even probably accurately get this out on “paper” properly… but I love him now more than I ever did. FROM A DISTANCE FOLKS πŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺ from a very spiritual and far far away distance 😝

 In fact it’s a chilling realization to me that I, in fact, may have never truly loved him at all in the first place…. 

I didn’t love myself so how the fuck could I EVER have loved another… I held on with a death grip for him to complete me or fill gaps in me.. Whatever unhealthy, insane reason. Then simultaneously I wanted to “fix” him when I should have started looking in the mirror YEARS ago…  

Recipe for distaster??? DING DING DINGπŸ’₯ We have a winner. 

I also am currently watching someone I love (freely.. haha get it?!) go through a similar experience…  

I get to see from the sidelines exactly what transpired in my own death grip match. 

And I think that’s why God brings people to us…  I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy what I went though or what my person is going through. But it gives me an opportunity to also learn more about love than I have ever bargained for in my life. 

But that’s I guess why this is an on going research project. Life. 

Without this experience I wouldn’t have examined this… 

I love nothing more -NOTHING I’m saying… Than being loved for who I truly am. If I could bottle that feeling up and sell it I would be a millionaire. 

My goal is to always love others in that fashion also… I believe by doing so the right people will come into our lives and stay as they are meant to. They are free to flutter and be themselves – but the best part of that is that we can flutter together. 

And there’s really nothing more beautiful.  β£ 


That’s all for now ❣ 

All my love… 

a. Danielle ❣

Am I a Hoarder???

First allow me to warn you I may have an over active imagination… πŸ™ƒ

That being said.. I am starting to feel like I could be on the show “Hoarders” (soooooo not even close). 

Truthfully.. I have started to feel a little suffocated in some areas of my life. A weird stagnant feeling has been building up around me it seems like and I can not shake it. 

As luck would have it a few weeks ago one of my dear friends randomly texted me a picture of two books she had purchased on sale from Super T. They were about decluttering and creating a space that sparks joy. (LOVE divine timing).

I didn’t take action at the time but the seed was most definitely planted…  And the next time I had seen her she was so excited about her books and getting her project started. Her sheer enthusiasm about it was ubber infectious. 

Hook line and sinker. I immediately went on Amazon and purchased the book for my kindle. I love reading my kindle while doing cardio… Two birds, one stone sorta deal. This book is life changing. 

  
In a nutshell, it talks about why we hang on to items we haven’t looked at, worn, or touched in years. 

Further it explains the principle that if we do not clear out old “anythings” in our lives, we cannot make space for new more amazing anythings to come our way. (Clothes, magazines, men/women πŸ€”)

In light of my new found resolve to keep creating a more joyful, inspiring, and purposeful life… This book was beyond perfect (of course) and great timing (thanks universe πŸ˜‰). 

I’m ready to continue letting go of old things that no longer serve me in any area of my life. Starting with my clothes of course ☺️

What I found by simply decluttering my clothes is that I actually have a better relationship with EVERYTHING. My entire outlook on the things I want to surround myself with has changed DRASTICALLY. 😳 

I spent about 2-2.5 hours going through my clothes precisely as the book instructed. Here they are all in a heap on my living room floor! 

And yes my tree is still up because it brings me an emormous amount of joy and I really don’t care what anyone thinks! (It ended up staying up till Patty’s day ☘)

  
I cannot even begin to describe how refreshed I feel. 

Seriously. There were things that I hadn’t ever worn that still had tags on them. This picture below shows what I am letting go of. Unbelievable. I’m almost ashamed. πŸ˜”

  
When I finished and was gloating about my job well done I realized a few things… One being I have absolutely no respect for my clothes and closet and the amount of money I essentially wasted on all of this (eeeek). πŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺ 

But the clencher is now I know I will always ask myself “does this spark joy” (the simple recipe for determining what you purchase/ keep) when I am about to purchase ANYTHING and bring it in to my space. 

Trust me when I say this project cleared out a lot more than just my closet. And truly this is just a lesson in being mindful if you really strip it down. 

For a step deeper, this was a glaring realization that I had done some numbing (drugging) of myself by mindlessly shopping and spending money on things I hoped would fill my happiness… (Oh boy folks…shits getting deep in here πŸ’©)  Instead of just dealing with the more serious issues going on in my life. 

Have you heard of substitute addiction?? 

If you stick around we will get to that my loves. It will get good, promise. 


Till next time ❣ 

All my love, 

a. Danielle ❣