I haven’t written in a while so I thought I’d jot some words down on paper with what I have been learning from my journeys as of late 🙂
I want to talk about mirrors.
Much like “Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?” but more in terms of self refection and growth instead of a “Damn, do I look fly” type perspective. 😜
One of the tools I have been working with is the concept of seeing those around us as mirroring something that is within us or something that needs to be addressed in our own selves.
I’ll use an example from the other night. I went for a cruise with Snibby 🐾 out to my stepdads where his girlfriend proceeded to vent how she is miserable at her job. She dreads it, she loves WHAT she does, just not the atmosphere where she does it anymore and a slew of other draining aspects of her case came out.
She said she really needs to get out on her own again etc.
The energy I felt from this exchange was heavy. It felt like she knew what she needed to do but action steps were not in her near future.
I mostly try and simply create space for a person to be without trying to offer solutions so I did just that.
Fast forward one spritzer later she decides to talk (in front of my step dad) about how my step dad decided that although he too is miserable at HIS job and could retire with eligibility, he has chosen to wait. 😳
I’m not talking like just a minor irritation. I’m talking like his body is beat up from doing construction for a million years, he works long LONG ass hours, never once took his pontoon boat out this summer because he was strapped to that job all the while bitching every step of the way about it.
It zaps me sometimes being with him. I try to be a loving light source but sometimes a chick has got to hide and protect her energy. 😝
His girlfriend proceeds to switch gears and rattle off that he’s miserable he should retire, he should do this and that and all the sudden the confident energy rolling out of this short women would lead you to believe she was a life coach. Tony Robbins style.
I watched this interaction with great awe because it was only one spritzer ago she was just making these same despaired claims about her life and she has yet to take any action steps on changing the situation.
I reflected on this later because it dawned on me how she could so clearly look at my stepdads situation and rattle off what HE should be doing with such ferocious confidence, yet when it came to talking about her own situation you could see and literally feel the lack of energy and almost despair vibe about it with no clear solution based action steps on the horizon.
A few things occurred to me about this interaction.
First, why is it always so clear to us what OTHERS need to do in their lives and so easy for us to rattle off how they should operate, yet when it comes to making changes in our own lives we freeze, procrastinate, self sabotage, etc? 😣
Second, it seems to me that my stepdads situation essentially mirrored what his girlfriend was also going through on the broad level. The job description, location and players are different but everything else is pretty much mirrored and identical in terms of the feeling.
So its safe to deduct from this interaction that often times something triggers us from what we see in others.
And all the sudden we become relationship and life experts 😜. I’m only (not) kidding.
So if that’s the case let’s take this a step further. I examined other areas where I am triggered lately and found this concept to be very VERY dauntingly accurate.
This means that all those times your pissed at your husband for treating you with disregard….
I hate to break this to us… But that is simply an invitation for us to analyze areas where we actually are very much disregarding ourselves.
It’s truth. Try it and I bet you will find an area where you are like damn… I really dropped the ball on myself in whatever area that may be.
So what happens if we release the death grip we probably have on our husbands neck and giblets for pissing us off and learn to spend some energy on filling up our own selves with love and affection and honor what our souls and hearts truly desire to learn and soothe over in us.
I’m not saying that he’s NOT disregarding you. By all means if you need to make heads roll do your thang 😌 I’m just saying in between all that find time to self reflect.
It’s here where true growth and transformation is born.
If we look around everything really is a teacher to us.
I feel that there are so many of us out here that are stumbling through this life stuck and miserable but the second one of our girlfriends starts complaining we become a fucking guru in whatever they are griping about.
How about enough is enough with that. Because if you really scrap it down focusing our time and attention on other peeps woes is a stall tactic from actually doing epic (scary) shit in our own lives.
As long as we can be concerned elsewhere we don’t have to look within. Because it’s fucking scary in there and I don’t blame you 😜
Both my stepdad and his girlfriend can lean into themselves instead of trying to tell the other how to live. Which, let me tell ya how well that goes when anyone else tries and tells us what to do. I’ll cut a mofo 🔪🔪
In a perfect world they could collaborate and support each other because change is scary shit. It’s scary because what if we fail? We are hard enough on ourselves… it would serve us all damn well if we learned to support instead of dictate. If we learned to reflect instead of using others drama to distract.
I want us all to have healthy and full lives heeping with joy and all things beautiful. That requires us taking ownership and living life be design and not default.
I want nothing but the absolute best for us.
a. Danielle 🔥