i was assaulted by a narcissist the other day. This is what it taught me about my own hate…. ❣️

i will always be amused by the wonders of the world. One of the most immense wonders is the narcissist and the torment and abuse they inflict on their targets.

I’m empathic to the millionth degree and want to help everyone heal and because of that (lucky me ☘️) makes me a prime target for narcissists to latch and feed on.

i was attacked, vehemently verbally and emotionally assaulted by a narcissist the other day and it debilitated me.

Unlucky for this malignant narc i have extensive training in the slippery emotional torment, abuse and games that they play so that i could see the dynamic of what was happening.

They are so stealth that by the end of the conversation they will have fucked your mind every which way without lube so they have yourself believing that YOU were the abuser and they are the victim AND they will begin smear campaigning so that they make sure they are ahead of the curve and drag you through the mud to everyone else to rally against you.

It’s an egregious source of abuse from multiple angles. The victim continues to suffer because while they are stunned at the manipulation the narc is busy rallying the flying monkeys to attack and assault, silent treat etc.

This torment can be in relationships and can be in your work environment.

It’s exhausting. It’s nothing short of torment for their own sick, distorted feeding for themselves.

If someone is not aware of the dynamic of the manipulation that can open them up to start going down the slippery slope of losing any and all self esteem, self worth, self confidence.

i have had to build myself back up from having my soul raped out of me once before. I’m well aware of how this goes.

The abuse i endured the other day was not in vain. It carried a heavy lesson for me in it, as life always does.

i will spare the details of the abuser and the flying monkeys because as with Old Life, my writing and work will NEVER be about vindictive paybacks.

It will be about healing and growing through it. It will be about bringing awareness to abuse that goes on behind closed doors. It will be about giving a voice to those who are not able to speak up for themselves, YET (#empowerment).

God gave me the gift of a fierce fucking heart. And He gave me the gift of words and courage. And while i will temporarily be knocked off my center, i will always find a way to serve the highest good of not only myself but for those that came before me and those who will come after me.

i will not lie or sugar coat this episode for you. i had a meltdown. Period.

It was an intense, emotionally and spiritually draining meltdown. it was through the angelicesque (is that a word🤔) help of my Healing practitioner and mentor that i was able to see that i have been walking around my whole life with hatred in me.

That startled me to hear and i wanted to defend against it because i work my damndest to love myself, God, those i love hard, and those i wish not to have in my life.

But it was there in me. It had been the entire time. It actually stemmed from Dead Mom (when she wasn’t dead) and it’s been a leech in me ever since. Growing with toxicity inside me.

If you believe in energy and emotions you will know that lower vibrational emotions like that wreak havoc in our bodies. It causes heaviness and illness.

i had pretty much shoved the hate in a box and hid it in me by putting a rug over it so i couldn’t see it and could act like it didn’t exist.

But it does. And this whole scene with my abuser triggered that hatred to jump out of the box and make itself known.

When you work for love and the light you don’t want to hear these things about yourself or admit to them.

But that type of denial helps no one.

i cannot change my abuser. As i write these words he is busy grooming his flying monkeys, spreading vehement, flagrant lies about me because (as i know VERY WELL) i am in the discard phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle. Overlapping with the smear campaign and grooming of the next victim phase etc etc etc BARF 🤮😜💚

What i can choose to turn my attention to is healing this hate. i will not lie to you. i fucking HATED my dead mom.

i didn’t really realize how viciously i felt about her until i started feeling that way after this recent attack from my boss.

It had to show itself to be healed.

My task going forward spiritually is to learn to let go of the hate. i now acknowledge that it is very much there. It roared up so vigorously i couldn’t deny it.

i have to literally with every ounce of my being learn to love my boss as he is. God made him. i have to learn how to love dead mom as SHE is.

This will in turn heal me and free me. With the space that will open up will enter the most beautiful things and i can tell you from personal experience the impact is immediate.

i have already met some of the most deep souled, kind caring beings that are more in alignment with my truth by allowing myself to let go of the things i was holding on so desperately to.

ANDDDDD if you don’t think God and your spirit guides will send you nudgies and reminders think again my loves ☺️

i got this little nudge the day after this experience.

🤪🤪🤪🤪 We have guidance along this crazy ass journey called life. i had slacked a bit on my newfound “Love the peeps i used to secretly loath” project. This got me back in line as i smiles and rolled my eyes.

It was within the next hours that i was blessed with beautiful things and new connections that made my heart soar.

It’s rough right now but i am putting energy into seeing through eyes of love for everything and coming with a grateful heart for what the abuser has shown me about myself.

In fact, i know that he has given me more fierce desire to be a voice for this type of abuse and he only gives me more experience. While he thinks he is destroying me, he doesn’t know I’m a mother fucking Phoenix.

Enough for now.

All my deepest, mostsincere, imperfect love ❣️

a.Danielle

Mirror, mirror… 

I haven’t written in a while so I thought I’d jot some words down on paper with what I have been learning from my journeys as of late 🙂 

I want to talk about mirrors. 

Much like “Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?” but more in terms of self refection and growth instead of a “Damn, do I look fly” type perspective.  😜

One of the tools I have been working with is the concept of seeing those around us as mirroring something that is within us or something that needs to be addressed in our own selves.

I’ll use an example from the other night. I went for a cruise with Snibby 🐾 out to my stepdads where his girlfriend proceeded to vent how she is miserable at her job. She dreads it, she loves WHAT she does, just not the atmosphere where she does it anymore and a slew of other draining aspects of her case came out. 

She said she really needs to get out on her own again etc. 

The energy I felt from this exchange was heavy. It felt like she knew what she needed to do but action steps were not in her near future.

I mostly try and simply create space for a person to be without trying to offer solutions so I did just that. 

Fast forward one spritzer later she decides to talk (in front of my step dad) about how my step dad decided that although he too is miserable at HIS job and could retire with eligibility, he has chosen to wait. 😳

I’m not talking like just a minor irritation. I’m talking like his body is beat up from doing construction for a million years, he works long LONG ass hours, never once took his pontoon boat out this summer because he was strapped to that job all the while bitching every step of the way about it.

It zaps me sometimes being with him. I try to be a loving light source but sometimes a chick has got to hide and protect her energy. 😝

His girlfriend proceeds to switch gears and rattle off that he’s miserable he should retire, he should do this and that and all the sudden the confident energy rolling out of this short women would lead you to believe she was a life coach. Tony Robbins style.

I watched this interaction with great awe because it was only one spritzer ago she was just making these same despaired claims about her life and she has yet to take any action steps on changing the situation. 

I reflected on this later because it dawned on me how she could so clearly look at my stepdads situation and rattle off what HE should be doing with such ferocious confidence, yet when it came to talking about her own situation you could see and literally feel the lack of energy and almost despair vibe about it with no clear solution based action steps on the horizon. 

A few things occurred to me about this interaction.

First, why is it always so clear to us what OTHERS need to do in their lives and so easy for us to rattle off how they should operate, yet when it comes to making changes in our own lives we freeze, procrastinate, self sabotage, etc? 😣

Second, it seems to me that my stepdads situation essentially mirrored what his girlfriend was also going through on the broad level. The job description, location and players are different but everything else is pretty much mirrored and identical in terms of the feeling. 

So its safe to deduct from this interaction that often times something triggers us from what we see in others. 

And all the sudden we become relationship and life experts 😜. I’m only (not) kidding.

So if that’s the case let’s take this a step further. I examined other areas where I am triggered lately and found this concept to be very VERY dauntingly accurate. 


Fuck. 

This means that all those times your pissed at your husband for treating you with disregard…. 

I hate to break this to us… But that is simply an invitation for us to analyze areas where we actually are very much disregarding ourselves. 

It’s truth. Try it and I bet you will find an area where you are like damn… I really dropped the ball on myself in whatever area that may be. 

So what happens if we release the death grip we probably have on our husbands neck and giblets for pissing us off and learn to spend some energy on filling up our own selves with love and affection and honor what our souls and hearts truly desire to learn and soothe over in us. 

I’m not saying that he’s NOT disregarding you. By all means if you need to make heads roll do your thang 😌 I’m just saying in between all that find time to self reflect. 

It’s here where true growth and transformation is born.

If we look around everything really is a teacher to us. 

I feel that there are so many of us out here that are stumbling through this life stuck and miserable but the second one of our girlfriends starts complaining we become a fucking guru in whatever they are griping about. 

How about enough is enough with that. Because if you really scrap it down focusing our time and attention on other peeps woes is a stall tactic from actually doing epic (scary) shit in our own lives. 

As long as we can be concerned elsewhere we don’t have to look within. Because it’s fucking scary in there and I don’t blame you 😜 

Kidding. 

Not. 

Both my stepdad and his girlfriend can lean into themselves instead of trying to tell the other how to live. Which, let me tell ya how well that goes when anyone else tries and tells us what to do. I’ll cut a mofo 🔪🔪

In a perfect world they could collaborate and support each other because change is scary shit. It’s scary because what if we fail? We are hard enough on ourselves… it would serve us all damn well if we learned to support instead of dictate. If we learned to reflect instead of using others drama to distract. 

I want us all to have healthy and full lives heeping with joy and all things beautiful. That requires us taking ownership and living life be design and not default. 

I want nothing but the absolute best for us. 

Much love. 

a. Danielle 🔥

 

The trouble with non existent fat rolls… 

I hope everyone is navigating through their Monday with joyful ease today 🙂 

Today I want to talk about body image struggles.

Life is always teaching me. 

Yesteday I had this amazing idea. I wanted to show you all the not so sparkly side of life. I don’t want to just post stuff on social media to make it look like everything is unicorn farts and sparkles in my world. Because it’s not. 

I was feeling bloated yesteday for whatever reason. I was thinking about how I just posted those pictures of myself in a bikini and how I wanted to illuminate how that’s not always how I look. 

I have cellulite and rolls and things about me I am self conscious about also. I am human. 

My braniac idea was to show a picture of my fluffy roll hanging over my pants, unedited and write something about it. 

My teachers had other plans for me and other lessons I needed to learn though as they most often do. 

I was so excited for the project and to be able to help others feel better about themselves too. But what actually happened when I seen the pictures was a kick in the gut for me. BIG time. 

This is the picture: 


That look you see on my face is one of panic, terror and disbelief. I was literally ill. 

This was not what I was wanting to see. Think about how crazy that is. I was more afraid of the fact that I THOUGHT there would be a huge fat roll hanging over my pants but wasn’t. I was mortified at the realization it was all in my head. 

I THOUGHT I’d be writing a post about being in love with our rolls. What this has ended up teaching me is an enormous reminder of how terrible and cruel our own minds can be. 

I literally felt like a beached whale that had rigor mortis 😳 

I mean, to think that person thought she was fat is fucking horrible. I can’t even fathom it. 

I know what your all going to say. I can hear it now before posting this piece. I’m crazy for thinking I’m fat etc etc etc. 

And your right. So very right. I’m crazy for falling victim to the shitty voices in my head.

It doesn’t matter what you or anyone else thinks when they look at me. It matters what I think of me. 

The panic came from the realization that I still have so much more mindful, loving leaning in to do so that I am diligent about not letting the shitty voices in my head hijack what is really going on, dictating how I feel about myself, and how worthy it tells me I am. 

Just when I think I have come so far (which I have, and so have you), I get a major dose of reality. Life is very much a journey of ebb and flow. We don’t ever really arrive at our destination and never have to be mindful or pay attention to it again. 

It’s a constant up and down and side to side, twisty turvy. With everything. With love, relationships, etc. 

The second thing this showed me is where my place in this world is going to be. I thought I was going to be a warrior to help others bust through their own blocks of self love with being body positive regardless of your shape and size. Which I am. But this one went a little deeper for me. 

My jam will be illuminating the struggles even people with non existent fat rolls that are made up in their own heads have. 

There’s plenty of fat shaming that is predominant out in the world but sometimes we don’t give attention to another kind of shaming that I have experienced throughout my life. 

It’s a reverse of fat shaming. It’s the dirty looks I get when I walk into a room full of women that without even taking a look at them I can feel from their energy that they are not comfortable in their own skin. But instead of owning that in their own hearts it’s easier to shame and throw dirty looks or make assumptions about me that they have not a FUCKING clue about. 

We all have our struggles. Most of us shame ourselves rigorously enough we don’t need other women to pounce on the attack. 

We must learn to be easy on ourselves. We must learn to differentiate between the lies and the true, God loving voices in our heads. We must learn that we cannot and should not believe the negative lies and bullshit our ego brains try and feed us. 

It’s my prayer that those of us that struggle with this type of thing REGARDLESS of what our body shape is will eventually achieve freedom from the torment. 

It’s also my prayer that shaming becomes extinct and we all turn towards love. Whether it’s learning to love ourself or learning that it’s ok to see another persons beauty and appreciate it and not be threatened or think that it diminishes our own beauty. 

Blissful love feels for us today. 💕

a. Danielle 

Why I almost thanked my dead mom when my grandma died 🙃

My dads mom died a few weeks back in a rather unexpected turn of events. 

From what I remember of her she was the sweetest, most loving being on the face of the planet. At probably 4 foot 3 she brought more than her fair share in the loving energy she exuded.

I say “from what I remember” of her because I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her growing up.

Maybe a Fourth of July here or there or a couple holidays scattered around.

This was namely due to the fact that my mother whose now dead, didn’t allow me to see my father or spend much time with him when they got divorced. I think they divorced somewhere before I was 5. 

She, like many others before her and certainly after her played games. Those shitty games vindictive females that give all of us other loving, healing females a bad name, play. 

 I see this all the time and it makes me lose so much faith in humanity. 

I’ve watched one of my best friends and her husband battle with his ex over their child they have together for 6 gruesome years.

The tactics that his ex uses to manipulate and smear campaign and her frivolous absurd sneaky plain abusive things she does to make them miserable when it comes to custody and visitation has been so excruciating to watch. 

I mean excruciating times infinity. 😞

My girlfriend and her husband are a happily married, healthy family unit with two babies with more love to go around that you could dream possible. They are MORE than well enough equipped to take care of the other child. 

But vindictive, hateful, vengeful and petty mother won’t allow it. And goes to the depths of hell and back to make everything miserable for them. Court battles, exhausted nerves and emotions in excess.

I have two of my very best guy friends whom I watch in similar situations. I know both of these humans like the back of my hand and know without a grain of doubt they are enormously loving beings that would love nothing more than to be able to spend peaceful time with their babies. 

But, you guessed it. Vindictive, vengeful, hateful petty women won’t allow it to be peaceful. One won’t even allow her child to see her dad at all. Maybe once a year?…  Terrible. 

So what does all this have to do with my grandma dying and me almost thanking my dead mom?? 

It’s because I have this huge side of my family I hardly know and it’s due to my dead mom being vengeful, vindictive and hate spewing and playing games by not allowing me to go with my dad. 

She had other plans and they didn’t include what was truly best for me.

The positive thing that I tried to pick out from having to attend my grandmas funeral is that while my heart and soul were so immensely saddened for dad and his umteen siblings… I was able to keep my feet under me because I didn’t know her that well. 

So that’s the part where I almost wanted to thank dead mom. Because of her not allowing me to forge a relationship the sadness and hurt didn’t cut as deep as it should or could have. 

I did however found my mind drifting off to a different sort of sadness at that funeral. It was sadness over memories that could have been. The love and tears and emotions and exquisite things said about my grandma made me horribly sad that I didn’t get to experience her closeness like the other people in that room. 

I know that woman is special. 

If you share children with someone or know or someone that does… and you or they have made it their role on this earth to make their ex miserable in terms of seeing the children or refuse to work peacefully and amicably in the best interests of EVERYONE involved and not just their hurt ego… 

Knock. The. Shit. Off. 

Like now. 

I am the product of a mother that did this and let me tell you once I got old enough to see the dynamics and the games for myself I fucking HATED my mom. 

And I meant that with every ounce of my soul. I have since forgiven her and our relationship now that’s she’s moved on from her earthly body has improved. We still have our days but mostly she shows me what NOT to do or be as a parent. 

Her way of being blew up in her face because it escalated to where I ended up getting to go live with my dad in high school. 

I ended up cutting her out of my life for about 4 years until the day I found out she was gonna die. Specifically, St. Patty’s day 2011. 

I had to reevaluate things real quick and learn how to both forgive and accept an apology I never actually received because there was no room for my hurt ego in that mix. 

So my point is this:

I know enough about people to know that if they are being destructive to others, if they are doing things that are meant to inflict misery on another person most often it’s because they are hurting themselves. 


So what does this mean for those on the receiving end of these games and pettiness?? 

I understand they may be hurting but that doesn’t excuse them of their behavior. While I realize that we cannot change or control peeps I do believe heavily in the power of prayer. 

While they are busy trying to make others lives miserable what we can be doing instead of feeding into their drama is praying deeply for whatever is in their heart that is hurting to be let go of and for them to have peace. 

If they were truly at peace in themselves they wouldn’t behave maliciously. If we only pray for them not to be asses we are only skimming the surface. We need to pray for what truly ailes them and what’s at the root of the problem for true, whole healing.

Even though I am continually disappointed by the actions of people trying to inflict pain, hate, shade or whatever you call it, I will continue to pray for their peace. But in a real and authentic way. Not the kind where you post bible memes on Facebook but go around being dick to others when no ones looking. 

I mean really walking the talk.

I know that for as many people as there are out there that thrive on hatred and playing the false victim so they can give themselves clearance to be asses, there are PLENTY of us out there pounding the pavement for love and peacefulness for everyone. Even those whom harmed us.  

I believe love wins. 

Every. Damn. Time. ❣️ 

I believe if we spend time praying for peace in the hearts of others that have done us dirty that we will make an impact. Hate won’t drive out hate.

So I ask you to pray for your destructive ex. Pray for your friends who maybe enduring battles like these. Pray hard for them to let go of the hatred that’s blinding them to their destruction of not only themselves but to those around them. 


I will pray for dead mom that in her life review since crossing over she’s healed whatever was in her heart to cause her to do the things she did while raising us kids. 

We must keep on keepin’ on being love warriors and doing hard things. 

Massice love and massive prayers for peace ❣️ 

a. Danielle 

My thoughts on church attendance 🙃

Happy Sunday evening my loves!!! 

I hope this week treated you all so amazing!

Life’s been balls to the wall for me lately and I needed to wave the white flag. I actually spent about 102% of the day yesterday doing as little as possible. 

It was just what I needed to regroup. I haven’t been feeling the best. I honored my body and will never regret that decision. 

Today has been such an AMAZING day though!!!! 

My life is such that I am very hit or miss on whether I am able to physically attend church on Sundays. 

If I could take the best parts of my life and squish them all together this wouldn’t be a problem. But it is what it is. 

Today I was able to attend my beloved church and damn did that feel amazing. It was the major rejuvenation and refuel I was needing.  I love my pastor and church more than words can even describe. 

Mmmmm. Love this place ☺️


I leave feeling so energized and inspired and joyful. I feel armed and supported to go out and do massive amounts of epic positive shit. 🙂

I was reflecting on my run after church today though about how I don’t physically attend church as much as I used to. And it isn’t because I’m just laying in bed Sunday mornings and don’t drive there. It’s because of logistics and what not.

I distinctly remember when I first embarked on my spiritual and religious journey I was like a fish out of water. 

I had been around some of the most interesting people and groups claiming to be strong in their faith only to be some of the most judgemental, shallow, heinous peeps I had ever seen. 


It left me so confused. 

So when I first committed to my faith and growing into this relationship with God I felt like I was walking on egg shells. 

What if I can’t make it one Sunday? What if I wear the wrong thing? Is it bad I don’t hardly know any scripture etc etc etc. 

These are fear based questions that would rattle around in my brain and cause me anxiety. Because there are plenty of people that are quick to judge and point fingers when in fact their windex cleaner must have run out because they are not lookin in their own mirror at themselves.

And you know what…. F✨ck that.

That’s not how our relationship with God or our journey is supposed to be.

Although I can’t and don’t physically attend church every Sunday I know that’s just a small baby morsel of it. 

I’m confident enough in my heart now to know He is so much more supportive of me when I am hitting the streets trying to find out of the box ways for women to be positive about their bodies and learn to love themselves thus radiating that out into the world.

He smiles much more when I make it my goal to leave peeps better off than when I find them. Whether that’s with a sincere compliment, a smile to a random passerbyer (is that a word 🤔) or a hugs for everyone. 

Our relationship is truly what we do outside of those walls. Do we radiate joy and love, grace and forgiveness like He teaches us to? And emulate Him?

Or do we slap a few God memes on our Facebook, attend church just because that’s what’s your supposed to do to look good, but then lose track of the principles of what we should have learned about life and love and instead sling mud and hate when you think no ones looking? 

Friends. I struggle IMMENSELY with all of this. Something recently brought light to me that burns pretty deep in my heart. 

You see, going to church is an amazing thing! It’s so powerful to be surrounded by like minded, joy radiating people. There is power in numbers for sure! 

In both sides of the railroad tracks though.

 I think when we walk in faith and love and with God it’s important to be mindful of how we choose to spend our energy claiming to be a follower. 

Do we use our leadership and inspiration for the greatest and highest most loving good for all? Or do we use our power in numbers to inflict pain and hatred on another whilst claiming to be a God loving individual. 

So my burning feeler today was that it really matters not that I can’t be physically in those 4 walls or doing mission trips. 

What I know in my heart and what I think is important to speak out to you all is that it matters what you do the remainder of the hours and days of the week.

Don’t get down on yourself if you felt the call to get on with your religious journey but haven’t been able to attend church. For whatever reason. You can start now, with what you have, right where you are. 

I believe a large part of our relationship with Him, is how much of a love and light source can we be? How much can we listen to those God whispers that he puts in our hearts to live out our dreams and be positive impacts thus creating the butterfly effect or else more positive ripples for others to do the same. 

It’s not about attendance. I have more confidence that He is much more excited by someone living the Word than by numbly walking in those walls each Sunday to keep your good public persona but not acting out His will the remainder of the time. 

So the point of my rant? 

Be love. 

Start there. Start with smiles to strangers, letting people in traffic. Start with forgiving yourself for something your ashamed of that you keep locked away in the vault. Start with shutting down gossip. Start with looking at yourself in the eyes in the mirror and telling your damn self that you love you. 

Those are all enormous actions to ignite the light. Trust me you will be doing so much more for all of us. Relax also. I know enough now to know He does not want us to feel shame about ourselves or feel stress or anxiety or fear judgement from others. 

Inspiration and joy does not blossom in those conditions. And that’s precisely what we all need to much more of.

Love wins. 

My love for you all is endless. 

a. Danielle ❣️

Why I am done praying to win the lottery…. 

I used to pray to win the lottery every damn day. 8484737374 times a day. It was going to be the thing that made me the most happy.  I just knew it would wash all my worries away and give Calgon a run for its money.

I’d get out of debt, I’d get a better this or that, I’d buy a pontoon, I’d save the homeless and feed the starving. 

My jarring realization was that I was always wishing and dreaming from a space of desperation. I thought this was going to be the answers to my prayers. 

This is such bullshit thinking. 

Now I believe the answer to our prayers is learning to count and focus on our current blessings.

I know we are able to reach an excuberant amount of happiness when we can source love and joy from inside, regardless of what our external situations look like. 

Regardless of the debt, regardless of the shitty job, shitty medical diagnosis, regardless of being surrounded by venomous toxic people masked as God loving saints that send you in a tail spin.

Despite it all.

As I dive deeper into my relationship with faith my world is being turned upside down in epic proportions. 

I figured something was coming down the pipe when I had my epiphany about praying and learning to do so from a place of faith and trust. 

When I used to think that I was desperate for a break and wanted to win the lottery I was basically saying that I didnt trust that God has abundance in store for me. 

 Uggggg. 

You mean to tell me I can’t wish and pray for the miracle of winning the lottery to solve my problems?!!? 

NOPE.

What’s been put in my heart to say about this is that I know there is abundance for all of us. I believe it with every ounce of my being. But we have to do the work for it.

We have to meet God half way. 

If we listen carefully, God or the universe or whoever you pray to will lob whispers into our hearts of epic things we are supposed to do. Or more importantly, what we are supposed to be. 

I can hear mine loud as day. It’s that super courageous, scary ass, really putting myself out there for a real big opportunity to fall flat on my face and fail, thing. 

It’s the thing my brain flips to and thinks about without me even noticing. It’s where my day dreams take me when I am cruising to the grocery store or reading down the pages of a book before I notice I’m not even present in the pages.

It’s what He built us for and equipped us with all the things that we need to step into that role. It’s essentially coming back to love, and what we were intended to be when we were created and came to earth.

It’s what we stumble around here fucking up massively and doing hard things and learning tough lessons for. It’s what we get polished for.

It’s our purpose. 


I giggle now because I know that my strength and faith in myself and belief in Him is going to be tested. He’s not going to just lob me a big ass lottery winning. Nope. And I’m ok with that. 🙂 

We are all made for big things. 

 He’s planted a big ass seed in our hearts to create positive change and raise the vibration and be a source of love and light.

Our assignments might look different externally, but they all dial down to the same cause. Love. 

I know that if we show up relentlessly, authentically, courageously, and keep listening to that whisper and following the guidance we should see and feel daily, we will realize our abundance. 

So many of us hear these whispers and immediately our fears shut them down. 

We die with epic shit and magic still in us. 

We were all made with incredibly beautiful gifts to be of service and share with the world to make it a more loving, inspired, brilliant place. 

I now know I can cut the shit of wishing for a lottery winning. I will try and reframe my energy to that of a faith based standpoint that I will always be taken care of. Even if it doesn’t look like it right now. 

Don’t get me wrong. If a million dollars landed on my plate right now I wouldn’t shoo it away. ☺️

But what we should focus on is learning to be content and grateful for what we have in the present. Let’s not be so consumed with the things we wish for that we neglect the things in the now. 

Learning to live in a state of gratitude will draw more to us to be grateful for. But not if we don’t learn to appreciate what we have now.

Instead of sitting around dreaming for a lottery winning, let’s hit the pavement learning and doing, emulating and being what we were sent here to be. 

Let’s do these things with faith that we will see abundance in our lifes in ways we never dreamed. 

With much love and courage.  

a. Danielle ❣️

Sunday kibbles about prayer ✨🌟💫

Hi loves! 

I hope this week has met you all with so many morsels of joy!!! 

I’m feeling so full of luster today and wanna share some stuffs on my heart with you 🙂

I wanna dip into the woo for a bit and share some of my thoughts on prayer.

For those of you who recently jumped on my journey with me and don’t know me from old life won’t know that my connection with the divine, my relationship with God and my spirituality has totally transformed.  Unrecognizably so. 

In my old life, I was really mad at God. 

We will just leave it at that for now. 

In my travels I have been wrapping my heart around faith and how that weaves into my prayer life. 

I used to be of the mentality that was like “God, you show ME first… then I’ll believe.” 

I have since discovered that is not how faith works.  

I’m a type A person and have had my trust and heart broken on epic levels. It’s insanely difficult for me to release control on things. Allllllllllll the things 🙃.

I would lean heavily on worry, anxiety and stress as if those things would change or manipulate the outcome of anything I was going through. It was severely damaging to how much joy I was able to experience in the present moment. And I didn’t realize how I was contributing to that. 

Stress, worry and anxiety rob us of peace and effect the outcome of absolutely nothing.

I am a huge beleiever of energy and the concept that what we put out there we get back to us. I believe like attracts like. I believe in miracles and manifesting. I believe deeply in God and answered prayers. And I believe in grace and forgiveness.

I’m getting to the point, trust me. 

There’s one year from old life I (appropriately) named the year of the dead peeps 🙂 Catchy isn’t it 🙃

I had my beloved mother in law, grandma (dead moms mom) and dead mom die all 7 months to the day, almost to the minute apart from each other.

It was fun times. And such 🙃 

We had peeps telling us all the time they were praying for us…. and I even think I attempted to pray. 

But my prayers looked something like this: 

God if your really real, please don’t let these people suffer and die. Bring them back to health (so that I don’t have to suffer from losing them)… 

God, if you let them live I am sorry for everything bad I ever did… I’ll promise to do XYZ in the future from now on…

God, if miracles really do exist I’m begging you please let Paula get better…. 

You get the drift. 

These prayers, are coming from a place of desperation and bargaining and disbelief. 

I didn’t know any better at the time. I was raised by wolves (no fucking joke) and had less than zero exposure to God or the divine growing up.

I was like 27 when I realized that Easter wasn’t just about Cadbury eggs. I wish I was lying. I’m not. 

If you know anything about faith you understand that a key component of it is putting your absolute trust in the unseen. 

It’s an intimate “knowing” that things will happen and unfold exactly how they are meant to. They may not unfold how WE want them to, but things always, always unfold just as they should. Perfectly as the divine has planned it all along.

My perspective on prayer is this: 

I believe our prayers should come from a place of love and not desperation. They should be backed with gratitude, trust and faith. When we are praying from those places it’s harder to let desperation in.

What this looks like is something like this: 

“Jesus, I know you have your hands in this right now and I trust that you will allow the outcome to be for the highest good for us all. I also know that what I think is the best outcome truly might not actually be. If this outcome isn’t what I want it to be I trust that you will wrap your love around all of us so that we may heal. Thank you for all the amazing ways your hands have worked in my life.”

When I think about praying for someone sick and in critical condition… I used to pray for them to get better because I didn’t want to suffer the loss and I didn’t want them to suffer.

Now, I simply trust that if They want to come get our people and take them back home it’s all very much for the best. 

I also know this much… nothing down here is ours to keep forever. I think that’s the lesson in life…. to be mindful and grateful of the moments we have. 

Sometimes it can feel like our prayers aren’t being answered or we aren’t getting our desired outcome. I have grown to learn that this means just relax and watch what’s going to happen because the things we pray about and what our minds think pale in comparison to what we have in store from our Creator. That’s the beauty in faith. 

I have noticed since this evolution in my mindset I have acquired a certain amount of peace. It’s not to say I don’t get sad or have a knee jerk to want to bargain out something. 

But if God is who I think He is I know its absolutely not his intention to have us suffer. This means truly giving it to God. Handing over the reigns and faithfully trusting His plan. 

I feel a certain relief in thinking about that and it brings me back centered and calm. 


Life is messy. ALOT messy. 

It’s so soothing to know that we don’t have to go it alone. And it’s so much more beautiful to have a faith based mindset rather than fear.

Much peace and love and joy for all today, and everyday. 

a.Danielle ❣️

The grace in letting go… 

I have been feeling extra feely lately and wanted to express where my heart has been.

This past few months I have immersed myself in education and personal development courses. 

I have basically been on a lock down. 

Literally for the first time ever in my educational history I have been being responsible when it comes to studying and actually applying the principles 😳

Maybe it’s because I am finally getting my head out of my ass or maybe it’s because I feel an urgent awareness that our presence here on earth means so much more than meets the eye. 

I’m going to go with the latter. 

I have been reflecting on the numerous ways my life has been transformed and something that keeps coming to focus is how much more vibrant and rich and purposeful my life feels. 

I am a truth seeker so I am always exploring the reasons and meaning behind situations, behaviors and most things. I’m always looking for ways my education will present itself in real life settings.

One thing I have been feeling an abundance of lately is a deep, deep gratitude for new people and experiences coming into my life. 

And it’s the most randomest chance happenings that they arrive in my path. I have been noticing that they more often than not feel like I have known them for lifetimes instead of mere weeks. 

They more often than not inspire me in ways that don’t even make sense… They ignite a passion in me for life and get me excited to breath and be here and show up everyday closer to my true authentic self. 

These kinds: 


I was reflecting about this phenomena over the weekend. I realized that a major life lesson I have been trying to apply has actually been one of the major reasons for this shift and influx of spiritual tribe mates. 

It’s the concept of letting go…. 

This one has been a hard one for me to grasp and want to apply.

Through childhood and other scenarios I have felt a huge fear of abandonment which means that anything I tried to “let go” of has always had claw marks on it.

This means shit that was severely toxic for me.. (read: my marriage). Even though I knew it was destroying me I held on with death grips. 

I read an incredibly life altering book appropriately named “Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender” by David Hawkins. 


This book is brilliant and goes into massive details on the concept. But the jest of surrendering and letting go is this: 

There are certain things and people and situations in our lives that are truly only meant to be with us for short times. They swoop in, do their mission and then are meant to be able to transition on with ease. 

But what happens is we resist. We hold on to dear life to things that are not meant to be with us any longer than they had been.

We hold on to relationships that no longer serve us. We stay in abusive marriages for far too long. We stick with friends or family that continually disappoint or harm us. 

We hold onto limiting beliefs about ourselves that are not true or don’t apply because they are some made up bull shit our negative sugar plums want to tell us about ourselves to keep us small. 

What happens when we let go or surrender  is that it truly clears space for new things and people that are more in alignment with who we are evolving into as well. 

There is much to be said about releasing the death grip, surrendering and allowing things to flow with grace and ease. 

It’s dawned on me that this principle has absolutely been actively working in my life. I have been gifted with some of the most exquisite people and experiences and inspiration because of it. 

It used to bum me out of a friend drifted apart. I used to break my back making sure nothing changed in my life until I realized the true detriment to that. 

There is no harm or foul in allowing someone to flutter freely in and out of whatever flow they happen to be in. When their flow aligns with mine it’s beautiful. When their flow takes them to things that make their heart sing.. that’s beautiful also.

Sometimes when someone removes themselves from your life it’s an absolute blessing. It removes their own toxicity without you you having to make hard choices. I’ve learned the value in letting these kinds of things peacefully go as well. 

This concept of clearing space for beautiful relationships was brought to the forefront of my brain because I was reflecting on how differently I feel each day I wake up now.

I know I wouldn’t be feeling this way if I didn’t ease up the grip and clear space for it. 

I’m coming into what I am truly passionate about and what I most want to create out of my life and the imprint I want to leave on this earth. 

It’s also been because of this focus I believe that I have been setting myself up for some amazing relationships to be formed that are going to end up being powerful partnerships. 

They are equally as passionate about their work and their footprint on this earth that I am. And even if their modality of work doesn’t look anything like mine, then end result is much the same.

And this excites the fuck out of me!!!

We all serve a purpose here on earth whether we know it ourselves yet or not. We are not meant to cut each other down, be resentful, or harmful to one another. But in real life all those things happen.

That’s why I think I feel so overwhelmingly grateful for the blessings that present themselves to me.

They inspire me to want to step up my game and make hard decisions and do scary things in the name of change and growth. 

Today I feel humbly blessed for releasing the death grip and holding space for things to flow much more gracefully.

I feel humbly blessed by the miracles and amazing things that occur when I dig my heels in and work for the things I am passionate about. 

Letting go is not easy. There is nothing easy about losing something that you once loved. Or liked the hell out of. There are those moments of emptiness where I think we need to master that pause. 

It’s in that moment I think we panic and go running back to what just harmed us. But if we can focus our intention on keeping that space open and walking in our truth even if that means going it alone, I know we will continue to be amazed at the beauty that fills those gaps.

I feel moved to tell those reading this tonight that if you have had any part in my life… whether it was a random meeting, we used to hang out 24/7 or someone that’s come into my life recently but has left a deep lasting impression… I want to thank you. 

All of you. 

Thank you for being you.

Deep love tonight ❣️

a. Danielle 


Reflections about the woman that came after me… And the peace that comes with learning to mind my own f*cking business 🙃🌟✨💫

On forgiveness, moving forward and peace.

This ones been swirling around for a while so I thought I’d entertain ya’ll and give this breath to come alive. 

Recently I was spending a few short minutes (read: hours and days straight without coming up for air) on Instagram and came across this gem: 


I would have skipped right on by but I was sucked into the trillions of comments under it. 

It’s time like those my spirituality, compassion and faith in mankind is most tested. 

The rage… the disgust… the hate and yuck that was smeared in those words from people talking about their exes. A large majority of them were scorned women of narcissistic men that had been discarded, as most are due to the nature of that beast. 

While I will NEVER ever ever ever EVER for one moment take away from what a person endures under the poisonous, toxic hell and abuse that comes with being with a narcissist, I do have thoughts about this. 

The first being….. 

WHO THE FUCK CARES. 

Can I get an amen???

Why do you WANT to talk to your exes new person and warn them? Where’s this coming from inside you??? 

Revenge? Vindictiveness???

Because I could tell you with only about a million percent certainty that most of those scorned women didn’t want to warn the new replacement because they genuinely cared about that new, unsuspecting victim. 

That would be a whole other thing. 

These women wanted to exact revenge. They wanted someone to pay for the pain that was caused to them. And they wanted to make sure to rob their ex of any joy and peace possible.

Which, yes. On one hand… from personal experience I wanted heads to start rolling. 

Trust me. 

Coming from someone who was humiliated, destroyed, and left with vulchers basically pecking out my eyeballs along with any remnants of my soul that was left… I can understand this more than you know. 

But here’s the deal:

When we live with lower vibrational feels in us like hate, rage and disgust causing us to want to revenge, smear campaign and make someone pay for what we think they have done to us: 

This poisons no one but ourselves

If we step out in the woo a bit further… living with those energies burning hot and furious within us can manifest in the form of illness, disease, major misfortunes, and generalized personal misery.  

That misery is in US. Not them. Sorry, karma doesn’t work like you wish it did… 

Sometimes we don’t realize that we are the source of our misery because we are so busy blaming our ex and their new life, painting ourselves into a victim, or blaming anything and everything else in general. 

Blame game is so much easier than taking ownership and picking up our pieces and focusing on rebuilding them into a beautiful, brilliant new masterpiece of ourselves. 

I can write this piece because I HAVE BEEN THERE. 

I mean really, really there. 

Wishing ill on my replacement… Sometimes finding myself giggling, smirking and feeling a sick sort of satisfaction thinking about what was gonna happen when he does to her what he did to me (Which, I truly hope he doesn’t  🙃). 

But you know what that made me??? 

A dick. That’s what. 

It wasn’t congruent with who I truly am at the core of my soul which is an incredibly compassionate human being that wishes only love and the most good for everyone. 

EVERYONE.

In stepping into and owning that I discovered I couldn’t selectively feel that way and be authentic to that truth but then have that bit of revenge in the pit of my soul. 

So I had to evaluate myself. And let me tell you it was a hard bitch to do but OH soooo worth it. 

Staying in my lane, forgiving myself and all others, and looking forward has given me an insane sense of freedom. A sense of peace so sweet and delicious I want to package it up and sell it. 


I won’t lie to you…  it gave me a sort of high conjuring up all that vehement hate to the point I could feel my blood boil. 

It was once I started truly understanding emotions and what they do to us… physically, mentally and spiritually that I decided to check myself before I wrecked myself. 

I get it. I had to swallow the fact that MY life and the vision of what it should have been was ripped out from under me. It might have been ripped out from under you also… I get that. 

But follow me a smidge… 

In the rebuilding process you want to make YOU the focus.

Look and focus our energies within. 

Focusing on our own healing and rebuilding and designing our new life into something more amazing than we can dream of simply cannot happen unless we forgive, let go, and move forward. 


It really hit home for me when I realized that I wouldn’t want to wish the misery I went through on another person regardless of what their story is. Regardless of what their part in my life has been. Good or bad.

The one after me has 2 kids from a previous marriage and all I could think is what does that make me if I wish ill on her?? That would mean her babies would be affected if she were treated with the same brutality that I was.

Wow. Fucking WOW. 

How could I live with that? 

I couldn’t. At the end of the day that was exhausting and draining to me to direct my energy in that fashion. 

Do I always like the hand I was dealt in life??  Mmmmm… sometimes not so much. 

But the majority of other times, YESSSSSSS. Yes so much. 🙂

I can speak from personal experience that living from a place of peace, forgiveness and love has served me so much better than the alternatives. 

I can’t even describe to you how much more at ease I feel that even though my part in Mr. Good’s life didn’t end well… I truly and deeply hope that his soul has finally found what it was yearning for. 

That feels sooooo much more delicious and fulfilling to be happy for other peoples happiness and well being.

Sometimes we don’t always get what we want in life. 

With a little elbow grease, a lot of internal reflection with a dash of grace from God we can totally co-create exquisite masterpieces of our own lives with broken pieces of the previous ones. 

This requires brutal honesty with ourselves though. And that’s hard and messy and very uncomfortable. But so rewarding in its own right.

Forgiving and moving on and dropping the bullshit transparent games doesn’t mean I agree with what happened to me in those dark years… And you shouldn’t either. 

No fucking way. It just means I made the decision to not let it disturb my peace and flow any more than it already had. 


By sharing my experiences (crazy brain) and brutal truth of my existence, I hope to be an inspiration. I hope to illuminate a path for us all to be able to find peace in our own lives. I pray that every moment we spend on this earth, we are filled with the most joy, sparkle and magnificence a person could dream of and more. 

Big love ❣️

a. Danielle 

My “Marc Moment”       Reiki induced epiphany on learning to accept love ❣️

I had an INCREDIBLE day yesterday. It was just one of those where I felt connected, in alignment, and all things sparkly and fiery ✨🌟🔥💛

I had a Reiki treatment last week and was waiting for the epiphany of beautiful healing to surface and it showed up with a major dose with Grace for me yesteday.  

It started off on the drive to the gym in the morning. I rando had a deep remniscent flash of my high school boyfriend Marc… 

He is my universal symbol of the only time I have felt truly loved, adored, treated like a queen all things every girl could dream of and more.

He loved me for my crazy… he didn’t judge my family and poverty level lifestyle my family was rocking and even put up with my crazy ass Dead Mom (who of course, wasn’t dead then 🙃) even when she wanted to try and put a restraining order against him because he was a senior and I was a freshman and she was just a flat out crazy B.  

Looking back, the feeling that he gave me felt like home. It was that all emcompassing blanket of wholesome, full, love. 

His soul is so kind and pure and his heart so loving and wholesome. They broke the mold when they made him. 

 BUT yessssssss as you could predict I shredded that to shit.

Just obliterated it. 

Another story (multiply blurbs) for another day. 

I didn’t think MUCH of the “Marc moment” other than it usually just makes my soul smile, I acknowledge it and move on. 

Except now I am getting more in touch with my inner wisdom and the myriad of ways God and the Universe communicates with me, so I was waiting for the swing around.

So I shelfed it….. 

I got to work and had a webinar on creating a solid marriage and preventing the cracks that usually open in a troubled one (yes….. more writing about that on another day also 😜) I missed it because well… I get sidetracked and times not my jam 🙃 

I was reading the replay email about it and wouldn’t ya know…  The person sending the emails name… Yup. 

Marc. 

Ok here’s thing two….. I know something’s coming down the pipe now. 

I opened myself up for whatever it was that needed to be seen.

And then it softly landed in my heart and surfaced into my conscious. 

During my “post-op” discussion in my Reiki session the major underlying issue that kept wanting to be brought to light was that I need embrace the fact that it’s ok for me to accept love….. 

This sounds easy on the surface but for me…… NOT. 

With my delicate interweavings that make my heart and soul mixed in with the fact I was birthed by a human I vote should never have been allowed to procreate as a mother plus being tossed aside like an old sock starting with her going through a myriad of others including my latest contribution to misery Mr. Good…. is a huge ass recipe for a lot of struggle in the acceptance of love department. 

Which then manifested into a full fledged crisis with self love. It’s all tied together… 

I piece the puzzle together like this: 

From a little girl I was shoved aside to no fault of Dead moms because she was on her own journey of finding love (in all the wrong places) of course. 

She needed to find something that soothed her heart that over powered her motherly drive and instinct. I have forgiven her, from a spiritual compassionate standpoint. 

We all just want to love and be loved right?? I am not able to fault her. 

But how I suffered from this going through my life was that I didn’t know how to accept GOOD wholesome love when I had it. 

It was something not one ounce of my soul or cells were used to… 

So I did what I only knew best to do at the time. I fucking destroyed it. 

Shredded it to hell and back. 

Then went on to be in a series of relationships that destroyed me….. But until the king pin one that was my marriage I didn’t really realize the effects that it was having on me. Because I was “used” to feeling like that…. 


I hadn’t been given good, wholesome love from a young age. I didn’t know any better. 

And that’s the exquisite thing about Reiki healing…. It illuminates things for us that need love salve smoothed on it that we may not consciously have a clue about.

What this brings to light for me is the fact that I get a second chance to re-write the story that was on a loop in me.  That loop will now say I AM worthy of wholesome, true, healthy love. 

But I must MUST to do the reflecting and healing in me to embrace those traumatic emotional wounds that are deep inside me so that I can rewrite my new story or else I will be stuck in a repeat cycle of attracting relationships that do not serve me or my fluttery soul to its hightest good. 

Like don’t even come near me until I have gone in the trenches with this one because I will fuck you up, shred you to pieces and destroy you. The weak need not apply for being my co-pilot that is FOR SURE. 

I text my soul seester and said I had a “Marc moment” to which she appropriately replied “oh fuck” because she knew it was gonna be a doozy. 
I have to make sense of all this. Everything. The things that are said, the thunderous booming things that we absorb that aren’t said, the why’s, the how’s…. EVERYTHING. 

I’m thankful this was brought to the light for me. 

This was a huge dose of Grace for me.

It’s an intricate part of my dance here on earth to be able to flow and grow through these things.

I am a firm believer that we are not made to suffer. I think we go through these things that are used to help us learn lessons and then help us be light sources for others that need to be Harriet Tubmmaned through to their own healing journey. 

I could choose to ignore this and try and jam myself into another relationship and donate another couple years to something that will ultimately dim my light. OR I can put my nose the grindstone and explore further what it was that caused these limiting beliefs to be born and stuck in me and learn to release them… 

I can get busy acknowledging, accepting and surrendering them to truly heal and live a brilliant life with the most joy and love and potential possible…. whilst illuminating the way for others to join me. 


With absolute grace today… 

a. Danielle ❣️