Authenticity, Originality Insecurities…. Oh My!

I’ve been sitting around with so many words in my heart and soul it’s time to put the pen to paper.

Again.

This subject has been sitting (pretty fucking) ill with me for a while and I have simply been unable to shake it.

So that’s where journaling and blogging come in for my healing prescription and therapy.

Lucky you. πŸ™ƒ

If any of you have followed my work and writing you may have the slightest inclination that my life history has been riddled with self-confidence, self-esteem, and major insecurity issues.

These were birthed from being tossed aside like an old sock constantly over the duration of my life beginning when I was a little girl.

For me what that taught me from a young age is the brutiful (Yes 😌 that’s a word) habit of people pleasing and trying so desperately to change myself to be something, ANYTHING other than what I was, was chipping away at the core of my being each and every time I sacrificed my truth for being accepted.

It was always engrained in my poor heart that what I was, wasn’t good enough.

If I was good enough, then I would have been loved and accepted and at least someone’s top 948383737 pick.

It was from this that I started into my juvenile years completely unsure of who or what I was or what I stood for.

I was so turned upside down by then and as time clicked on it only grew worse.

The older I got the more difficult it became to figure out how to fit in.

High School???…

Good lord.

It had my head spinning watching groups of females say they were all best friends but then watching them vehemently and viciously backstab their own brethren.

I fucking hated it.

All I knew at that point was that I didn’t fit in and I was pretty sure I didn’t want to.

But that left me so severely unsure of myself going into adulthood that I can look back and see how I morphed into whatever group was around me for the time being.

I always felt like I didn’t belong though.

I always knew it deep down.

And instead of accept the fact that I am a unique and one of a kind spiritual, fluttery being…. I shoved my true, TRUE self in a box never to be seen again because it was easier to try and morph to what was around me to feel pseudo-acceptance rather than swallow the bitter pill of not being loved and accepted for my truth.

I tasted enough of not being loved and accepted growing up.

I will spare the details of the disaster that was my marriage because while it was not a pretty sight, it afforded me the most INCREDIBLE transformation I could have dreamed of and more.

So fast forward a few years of coming into my own, doing some major ass internal work, finding out what makes my soul tick and diving head first into a relationship with God and supplementing it with copious amounts of energy Healing…

Here I am πŸ™‚

I’ve started to live my dream.

I’ve gained confidence to step out of my comfort zone and really find my passions.

I have felt the tables turn on being able to be authentically me while still moving forward despite that small fear that I may be too much for some still residing in my heart.

Ive begun living bold and pretty (peacefully) unapologetic about the things I choose to do and most specifically the people and energy I choose to surround my heart with.

I’m gaining more and more confidence to really allow my true essence to shine through in what I do and how I speak and write even if it does involve profuse use of the word “fuck”. πŸ™ƒ

I’m doin me harder and more fully and boldly than I ever have and I have fought pretty fucking hard (there’s that “F” word again ☺️) to get where I am.

This transformation has come with some turbulence but the feeling of living my true, authentic self FAR outweighs the downsides.

But here’s the thing that’s currently catching me that I was having troubles making some sense out of.

I have spent my whole ENTIRE life overcoming my own demons, my own darkness, my own traumas and my own bullshit to be where I am today.

But now it’s hard when I see I am being duplicated.

And not in a slightly unnoticeable, it could be a coincidence kinda way either.

But in a way that causes me to flinch in a little bit of defensive fucking fury over.

I’ve tried to talk myself up, down, around and every which way backwards about this.

I also know that what I focus on will gain momentum and although I try with all my law of attraction loving, spirit heart I could not help but feel major resistance to this.

I don’t know if it’s because I am so protective of my newfound being and that I have fought tooth and nail to become this version of me that when someone just steps in and replicates what’s taken me years to emerge as and be, it hits a nerve.

A major, MAJOR part of my transformation and something I value as highly as fluttering and freedom is authenticity.

It was being scarred in the drama bullshit that was high school and fake relationships at work and a these pseudo-sisterhood fake relationship building sales bullshit that inundates our every day life that I am ADAMANT… adamant, adamant, ADAMANT about truth.

And depth.

In each of us and in our relationships.

But I’m ubber adamant about hey fucker… I fought long and hard to be me and finally show up to be me, why don’t you just not be me.

Mmmmmkay 😌

Why don’t you be you the one you were before you started to emulate my words and actions.

But 😣

Because I know that whenever something is brought up in me that elicits this big of a feeler it’s time to go into the vault and find which old wound has been reopened.

I did.

And here’s what I found.

The feeling I am having by being replicated triggers a major ass insecurity in me of a timeless pattern in my life of being replaced by a newer make and model.

It’s been repeated in a vicious cycle since the onset of my life.

I was tossed aside when dead mom (who wasn’t dead then πŸ™ƒ) found my stepdad and subsequently sorta forgot she had kids πŸ€”

Or maybe we got in the way of her finally finding what her poor soul had been longing for for her entire life is a better way to put it.

And because dead mom was one of those AMAZING (πŸ‘ˆπŸΎflagrant lie) moms that liked to play games with split custody and never let me see my Dad, I grew up feeling like he found something better than me. Too.

If you know old life you know the truth about the demise of me being Wife #2.

Down to the being replaced at the job I was at for 18 years. (HUGE huge huge blessing so no worries πŸ˜‰).

But the pattern is there in black and white, branded into my soul.

I also know we are presented with the same lessons (UNlucky us 😣) until we learn what it is we are supposed to learn from it and grow THROUGH it.

So what does this all mean?

It means to me that being replicated triggers the age old wound of fear of being replaced and chosen for something better thus making me feel like a worthless, failure and crippling my self-esteem, self-confidence and how I subsequently view and value myself.

I have had this swirling in my heart space for far too many years and I am MORE than ready to heal and release this.

This is a childhood wound.

When this feeling comes up it’s basically that little girl that first got her soul trampled on and destroyed trying to remind me of how that feels and to try and prepare me for getting hurt again.

But that’s the thing about our psyches and our vaults (the place where old ouches are stored).

I’m not that little girl anymore.

I’ve grown sooooo very much.

I’ve healed so much.

We don’t have to keep listening to those old stories about ourselves.

I have learned that people pleasing isn’t in fact beneficial to anyone. In fact it’s a huge ass abomination of our very soul.

I’ve learned that I will be too much for some people and not enough for others and that’s MORE than ok.

Like super duper ok.

Over this last few years I have learned to love myself how I so desperately sought to be loved by others and how crucial this is to ALLLLLLL of our existence.

Self-love isn’t just some nifty thing to hashtag and post memes about.

It’s the real fucking deal.

So after I fluttered around in the vault and got down to the root of the big issue I am able to walk away with these truths:

It might still irk me to see my originality be duplicated. But not in the same disgust, fear and other lower vibrational feels as it did before.

I am no longer afraid of someone else being a better version of me. Because I know if they were busy worrying about being the best version of them in a confident manner they wouldn’t be emulating others.

I know this because I too, was guilty of that in the past.

It won’t cause me to fear that I am going to flashback to that 5 year old constantly getting tossed aside by her mother and having someone or something better picked over her.

Because no matter how hard anyone tries they can never truly be us.

And that’s our real super power.

I will live every single day of the rest of my life intrigued by how what seems to be a “them” issue, never really is.

It might SEEM like they are the ones that need to change and be fixed but it’s never about them.

It’s always about what they are triggering in US that needs to be acknowledged, accepted and released.

And man, that’s hard fucking work.

It was so much easier getting pissed about being imitated than it was to dig in my own darkness and wounds.

I know one thing for sure life was sure a lot more simple before I took on this big ass spiritual journey.

But I will tell you that life has been much more brilliant and fulfilling since I started to REALLY learn about, love and accept me.

All parts of me.

I shine the light tonight and forever to invite all others to do the same.

Massive (self) love and acceptance.

Xoxo

a. Danielle

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What hating Dead Mom taught me about my relationship with myself…

I figured it’s time to get down and dirty with my Dead Mom Chronicles.

Allow me to introduce her and share my relationship with her to you.

I love when peeps who read my work come up to me and ask me why I call “Dead Mom” – Dead Mom πŸ™ƒ

They tip toe around it and it brings me a smile inside.

The reason I call her dead mom is… (wait for it…) because she’s dead.

It’s truly that simple. Now.

My brain is highly creative and I am borderline repulsed and repelled by being mainstream and “normal” and I love nicknaming shit.

I nickname friends so much that I go to tag them in a funny meme on IG and am like why the hell cant I pull up my girl Last Tuesday whose real name is Amanda. πŸ€ͺ

It’s just what I do.

DM (Dead mom) and I have had a destructive, tumultuous “relationship” at best. I put quotes because I don’t even think we can refer to it as a relationship.

It was because of her that I vowed to myself that I would go to the grave childless before I brought a baby into this world if I couldn’t protect them better than she ever protected us kids.

I was the youngest and by the time shit got to me I suffered for everything she had done as a child and teenager and everything my older siblings had done as well.

I’m not sure what she ever wanted to do with us kids. I’m judging by the age that DM was at the birth of my oldest sibling, that she wasn’t planned.

I’ve found myself often thinking that she should have been on some sort of “Do not reproduce” list.

As the years clicked over it got worse and worse. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had an excruciating amount of venom and hatred brewing inside of me towards her.

When my niece was born I was shoved aside so that her and my stepdad could play family while I was tossed away like a used sock.

It was because of this that I had engrained in me that I was worthless and that eventually everything would abandon me and I’d be replaced (with a newer make and model 😜).

It was because of the limiting belief systems that were built in me during those crucial developmental years that I would go on in life to make detrimental decisions that cost me immensely.

I stumbled along the years trying to salvage something that resembled a relationship with her. Every time I spoke with her I felt drained, deflated, angry, yucky etc.

I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew in the depths of my soul that even though this person gave birth to me I couldn’t allow her in my life.

The last straw came when I got married. I had a SMALL small wedding that was very informal because by that time between her training and the person that I was marrying I didn’t think I was worthy or deserving of anything more than the crumbs I was accepting. Because hey, crumbs were better than nothing, right?!!

NO. OMG no.

She made an excuse that she couldn’t make it to her daughters wedding. I was the only one so far that had gotten married.

I would find out later after she died that she told my stepdad that they weren’t going to be back in time for it. She told me a different story. Both were lies. Which became obvious to me over the years that lies were essentially a form of oxygen for her.

I cut off communication with her cold turkey. No answered phone calls, emails or texts. Any cards I received I made Mr. Good open them just to make sure she didn’t put something in it like my birth certificate or some shit because she would do goofy things.

That’s really when she became dead mom to me.

I got married in September of 2007.

I didn’t speak to her, call her, accept her email invites to get into a bullshit headlock tango. Nothing.

It wasn’t until St. Pattys Day 2011 that I would see her again. She was sick and scared in the hospital and both my grandma Neen (DM’s mom) and stepdad left me messages saying that DM was in the hospital and that they needed me.

That whole debacle is another blog post for another day. ☘️

Was it hard? Fuck yes it was.

I had to mourn the loss of a relationship my soul yearned to have. That EVERY fucking kid should have, but some of us don’t get the pleasure of receiving.

I had to be on the outside of my siblings still being in contact with her and trying to not make things awkward for them.

But the important thing that space allowed me to do was to be authentic to myself in the name of disappointing others. It allowed me the space to start healing and letting the venom I had towards her slowly seep from my body.

I learned later that I had built up a wall around my heart because of that relationship with her. I was then able to protect myself from the rampant abuse and torture she had inflicted on my soul.

But what I didn’t realize and ALLLLLL of us need to learn is that we cannot selectively dismantle our heart wall for one thing and keep it up for others.

When we make a wall, it blocks everything good. It prevents us from sending AND receiving from others but most importantly to ourselves.

This translated into me not being able to fully love myself. Or even remotely love myself.

This disconnected me from everything. I was numb. Because numb saved me. But numb also kept me from experiencing the bliss that comes from falling in love with my true authentic self and then eventually others. It kept me in abusive relationships well after the expiration date.

Because that’s what’s building heart walls and numbing does to us. On one edge of the sword it protects us. On the other it prevents us from feeling brilliant, euphoric feelings of love and joy.

The love I was yearning for was inside me all along. I had just built barriers up against it.

It was through my certificate training for becoming a self love guide that I was able to see the broad scope of what hating her had inevitably done to ME.

Theres that saying that when you hate someone it’s like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It’s SO FUCKING TRUE.

I can’t go back and change my relationship or the things I have done in my life. But what I can do is take my experiences armed with what I have learned in my Self-love guide program and use that to be a beacon of light out in the world.

Dead mom and are are at a really good place right now. I know that even though she is really dead she still heals off my forgiveness towards her and I continually, most influentially, heal myself.

Forgiveness is a tool from the divine. It’s life changing. In fact, if someone had to ask me what the most pivotal thing I have used is and it would be forgiveness.

What transpired from me hating her and nailing her to the cross without forgiveness was my ability to turn inward and do the same to me. I was unable to forgive myself for perceived failures with as much tenacity as I held DM to the fire with.

My relationship with dead mom was purely a mirror for what was really going on inside of me. It was reflecting my relationship with myself.

It was much easier to blame her for shit. She was purely a vessel to evoke these feelings that I didn’t know how to process.

But now I understand the dynamic of forgiveness and vow to use my experience to help illuminate these concepts for others. Healing and forgiveness are good. They are both gracious and divine.

I was thinking about Dead Mom all holiday weekend. I see others sharing their bits about missing their loved ones who have crossed over. It dawned on me that I don’t have that shared feeling. I never once have missed her. I guess that’s a weird gift I got from Dead Mom is that I don’t have to suffer further even after she’s fluttering in spirit.

But maybe I secretly somewhere deep down in my heart wish I did miss her? Who knows.

All I know now is that I have the choice to wake up everyday with forgiveness in my heart. And that continues to transform my life incrementally.

Enough for now.

My unapologetic love.

a. Danielle ❣️

On being unapologetic about who we let in our space…

I know we have all suffered silently being around someone that really didn’t jive with our vibes and for whatever reason was unpleasant.

It could be a co-worker, an acquaintance in your social circle, a family member, someone hounding you to purchase the latest thing they are selling etc.

I’m excited for this nugget today as a follow up from my previous piece about being unapologetically authentic to our own selves.

It seems that the next thing that wants to be born is this discussion on being unapologetic about whom we allow in our space.

Space can be anything… Our life, our energy field, our social media feeds, our thoughts…

I discovered the phenomena that the more I was authentic to myself and didn’t shy away from being seen as that, the more I didn’t have the energy to want to be around people that were a negative entity or an energetic drain.

I began being more picky about who I shared my space and time with. It was mind blowing how many times I would go along with a group even if there were individuals that I knew were an energetic mismatch for fun, peace, love, joy and all the other beautiful, high vibe feels.

It was almost like I felt a social pressure to suffer silently even when I knew there was a massive misalignment.

I forsaked myself in the name of appeasing others. And what’s the gigantic life lesson we are learning about doing that???

You guessed right. Dishonoring ourselves gets a resounding FUCK that. πŸ™‚

The benefit from making a choice to choose who we want to be surrounded by is that it cleans up the bullshit. We walk away from the experience uplifted, joyful and in good spirits. It just feels good.

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he downside to being unapologetic about who we spend time with ESPECIALLY if they are a member of a social group or circle is that it runs the risk of disrupting things a bit.

I used to suffer silently and “go with the flow” just because of the fear of what would happen if disruption occurred.

Because like clock work, and much like the sun always coming up and always setting is that the person that has a toxic air about them also tends to be a bully, force of pushy energy. They are able to move energy and the dynamic in the group because of their bully force. The others usually don’t want to deal with the repercussions of this persons meltdown so they quietly appease bully.

Also very much like clock work, they will try and make allies in their case against you. It’s so classic, text book and predictable.

<

nd we see this. And that’s why we have made the decision to disengage with this kind of person in the first place. Because we don’t have time for that nonsense bullshit.

It can kind of be uncomfortable for a moment when we decide to clean up our friend garden. But you know what’s possible?

Something that I don’t think many people grasp. It’s perfectly ok for us to not care for someone else that everyone else might love. It’s perfectly ok for us to love someone that everyone else doesn’t get along with.

Not only that. It’s more than ok for use to not push our agendas of not appreciating another person and rallying others to get in your same page about them.

It’s ok for two people to have opposing views on the same person. It’s ok for us to still be friends regardless how I feel about someone you like and I don’t care for their energy because I have evolved to a place that my time is spent better loving you and enjoying you while not trying to get you to share my same view points of another.

Life’s become MUCH more peaceful. Much, much more peaceful.

If we are worried that by honoring ourselves and removing ourselves from the presence of someone that is not a positive match, that’s ok and very normal.

But the thing is if your people are TRULY your people they will love and respect your opinions and feelings and not put their agendas on you either.

If you start distancing or blocking, unfriending, doing WHATEVER to clean up your space and others start moving and grumbling and rallying with that person… LET THEM.

Let them GO.

They are not your people.

As we begin to step into our authentic selves and make decisions that value ourselves in terms of who we surround ourselves with – people will show you their cards.

And we will learn further who is our tribe and who isn’t. When we start getting clear about how we want to feel when we are around people our experience as a whole increases in positivity and overall joy and happiness.

Energy is very much a real thing. We need to learn to listen to and honor our guts and intuition when it comes to feeling drained or anything other than amazing when we are around people.

If we know that someone is toxic to us we owe it to ourselves to make actions for US that support that. But leave everyone else alone to make their own decisions.

Girls can be catty man. It’s ridiculous. But instead of dealing with the drama and stirring up shit storms and manipulating others why don’t we spend the energy tidying up our side of the street.

We need to decide how it is we want to feel when we are around others. If we know someone that isn’t conducive to that, make the self-preserving, self-loving and self-honoring decision to not allow them in our space.

Anyone else that chooses to distance and take sides, let them go also.

Ever since I have been adopting this concept my relationships have become richer. They have become more full with those who are closer to an energetic match to my heart and soul. I let my guard down. I am able to simply “be”, void of toxicity, cattiness and bullshit. My energy is not drained. I feel uplifted, supported and all things wonderful.

I’m currently not letting anybody fuck with my flow. πŸ™ƒ

We have to be unapologetic about it because as with any change there will be some resistance. Knowing what’s important to us is key. Deciding how we want to feel is vital. Honoring ourselves is crucial.

And who knows… by us lighting the way and doing this it may inspire others to clean up their space of people that don’t positively serve them as well.

Enough for now.

a. Danielle

On being unapologetically you…

Hello loves πŸ™ƒ

I’ve been overcoming something in my own life I feel compelled to share about.

Pretty much my entire life has been spent watering myself down for whatever reason. Whether it was trying to fit into some group or appease someone else, I would sacrifice who I TRULY was for the sake of others.

I think most of us don’t really grasp the true detriment of doing this. When we hold ourselves back and water ourselves down it silently whispers to our soul that we are not enough or worthy as we are.

And that my beloveds, is incredulous bullshit πŸ™‚

For me I think it was the fear of not belonging. I had the ridiculous (limiting) belief that I had to belong to a group to matter and if I didn’t, there was something wrong with me.

I had the belief that even if I knew in my heart something upset me about someone else I would stifle it for fear of rocking the boat.

I shouldered EVERYTHING and self-sacrificed for the sake of others.

It became glaringly obvious that I was no longer able to keep myself small and disallow myself from being the truest, fullest version of me, unapologetically.

Life is really meant to flow with ease. When we are misaligned with who we are it shows up in inner turmoil and conflict with ourselves.

When we start shifting the dynamic to a place where we are able to choose ourselves and our needs first even if that means disappointing another that’s where true magic occurs.

Everything changes in life.

But the issue is that most of us are so engrained to put others first and their needs first that we don’t take the time to realize that it’s US that we need to be putting first and honoring.

We are engrained to not rock the boat if speaking up for ourselves would mean disappointing our mother.

We fear that by speaking up against an infraction or violation by a friend in our group that we would be disbarred.

So we stay silent and self sacrifice.

But this means we are not being the truest version of ourselves that we can be. Essentially we are not honoring ourselves. And each time we slink back against being authentically us and speaking up what’s on our hearts and setting healthy boundaries we are telling ourselves that we are not worthy.

And that belief will manifest in drawing closer to you people and things that prove that theory correct.

It dawned on me that I was sacrificing myself to make others comfortable when at the end of the day I should be my top priority.

It’s crazy at just shy of 36 years old I am discovering the paramount value of actually treating myself worth a damn.

Whether its in what I fuel my body with nutritionally, how I support my health by working out and the thoughts and beliefs I Fuel my brain (and heart and soul) with.

Don’t you think it’s a widespread epidemic that we treat others way better than we treat ourselves??? We deserve to give ourselves the love we so freely give others.

I invite you to think for a moment of the person you love the absolute most in the whole universe. Really allow the feelings to encompass you.

Now start directing that love to yourself. Because THATS what we should all be doing! Every moment of everyday day!

So what does this have to do with being unapologetically you?

Everything.

When we are true to ourselves and speak up for ourselves and honor ourselves in the face of disappointing another, we are giving ourselves the ultimate gift.

We are telling ourselves that we are worthy. Because we ARE!

Being unapologetically you might look like setting boundaries against your mother whom you know is toxic to you and your health and growth. It might look like you telling her how her treatment of you makes you feel.

It might look like speaking up to someone that owes you money whom you dread having the conversation with because you know the persons attitude is larger than life and is a bully and you know there will be some amount of flack.

It’s blocking or un-friending or unfollowing someone in your circle that has a toxic negative energy and you simply do not want it around you AND doing it unapologetically regardless if that means upsetting the balance.

it’s doing all these things knowing full well it might upset someone else and being ok with that.

Being unapologetically you is the ultimate gift of self-love and honor we can give ourselves.

We might lose people along the journey of coming back to ourselves and that’s OK!!!

It’s better than ok. They weren’t your people to begin with. They were your fake people because you were being a fake version of you.

Your people are the ones that love you for who you are in a deep, true, full level. Your people would never allow you to water yourself down. They accept you as he perfectly imperfect being that you are.

This concept may be scary if it means that your going to disappoint a mother or family member.

To me sometimes the title of “family” just gives others a license to treat you less than just because they are relatives. And well, fuck that.

When we shift to start honoring ourselves and showing up authentically and unapologetically there WILL be shift. This much I can promise you.

You will be tempted to revert back to old ways of watering yourself down because it will piss people off. But if we can breath through the turbulence of watching some people drop out of our lives it will allow more people that are more aligned with who you really are to come in.

Be strong and bold. Disrupt shit. Everything if you want. But be you.

The real you.

Your beautiful and talented and fucking wonderful!!! Not only do we all deserve to see you as you were created, YOU deserve to see you as the brilliant being you are under the robes of repression. Not as the version of yourself you molded yourself into so as to not disappoint those around you.

Wouldn’t you rather be loved and accepted for how you truly are and have the ones that don’t get the fuck on out of your life???

Enough for now.

All my brilliant love and acceptance… 🧑

a. Danielle

What seeing my boyfriends text notifications on his iPad has shown me about my personal growth…

This one was sooooo monumental for me I have to share it.

I had to take Bearded things IPad to the gym so I could record some videos for my personal training and well-being social media stuffs because I had forgotten mine at home 3 hours away.

I am NOT a tech person whatsoever. I barely use my iPhone for probs .00063 % of what its actually capable of doing. I have never successfully had a productive conversation with Siri… I am well behind the times of the current trends and fancy technology anything.

I pressed the button on his iPad to get into it and there were a bunch of notifications right on the front page before I entered the password that I realized were his text messages.

I guess you can get them on both your iPhone and iPad at the same time πŸ€”

I didn’t know that was such a thing. But I didn’t want to look at them because I felt like he deserves privacy just as much as anyone else does.

So when you type in the password they go away but you can see a snippet of them on the front page before you unlock it.

I went about my business working out and filming some short videos demonstrating my workout progression and didn’t think much else of it each time I had to unlock the iPad.

But as I was driving home something major dawned on me. It was a huge ass “OMG I think I might be doing life right for once” type of realization.

I know as I write this that I am the ONLY woman on the face of this earth that has ever snooped through her husband or spouses phone πŸ™ƒ

You see my marriage was that type of relationship. And once you go down the dark alley of checking their phones when they leave it laying around it’s an addiction that’s hard to break.

You find things you really don’t want to find. And if you confront them when you find something they always weasel around spewing so much BS it makes your head spin.

All that happens is brick by brick we build up a wall around our hearts and are prisoner to checking and seeing if we can find something on their phone that will justify the ill feelings we have in our gut about the situation anyway.

It’s terrible looking back at my marriage and the antics that went on in those walls.

But when I seen Bearded Things text notifications I realized that I could have at any moment jumped in and read to my hearts content.

But I didn’t.

And here’s why:

First off, I have developed on a personal and spiritual level to the point where I love myself enough now to not be in the sort of relationship where it requires me to check up on their whereabouts.

I made the decision after I healed from the wreckage of the my marriage and subsequent divorce that if I ever found myself in another position where I felt like I had to snoop in a phone I would walk.

I would leave the relationship right then and there.

As I reflect on my marriage I can see I spent an exorbitant amount of time on his trails trying to prohibit him from some of the bullshit he was engaging in. It was exhausting. I put all my energy into catching him doing things and trying to stop it by constantly checking and scouring the earth for signs of foul play. I completely lost myself in it.

And when I found solid proof of things I already knew in my gut were happening I didn’t check in with MYSELF and see what I needed to do in terms of navigating the situation from a self preserving, loved based perspective.

I wanted to lock him down further and keep him in a bubble so he wouldn’t do the things he was doing.

But what I SHOULD have been spending my energy doing was telling him to fuck the fuck off.

Big time.

I am in disbelief looking back at the stuff that I allowed to happen.

That shit would NEVERRRRRRRRRR fly with me now.

I love and respect myself too much now.

Learning how to love and respect myself came well after I allowed myself to be in relationships that were detrimental to my soul.

The other takeaway is seeing how different I am now than in my previous relationship. I am finishing up a 10 month self love guide certificate program that has taught me much about how we love ourselves and how that effects what we accept from relationships with others.

I can feel it in my heart that it’s part of my work on earth to illustrate how learning to love and respect ourselves first is CRUCIAL in determining our relationships with others.

It’s a guidance for what we allow. What we put up with.

I want to inspire a change in dynamic from where a woman has to learn how to be a better detective to find her spouses misdeeds to showing how the woman can love herself enough to tell him to take a flying fuck at a donut. (Read: kick his ass to the curb and celebrate their sovereign bad ass self 🀘🏾πŸ’₯✨).

I’m not saying that relationships can’t be worked on and move past certain situations. What I am saying is that if we find ourself being detective and exhaust ourselves to the point we don’t recognize ourselves when we look in the mirror then we need to love ourselves enough to get out.

I was filled with humble joy yesterday as I realized how much I have grown. This had nothing to do with Bearded things really. It had everything to do with the changes that I have done internally.

There is much power in learning to treat ourselves like we are our most prized possessions. It sets the stage for most all other things in our life.

The more I turned inward and learned to honor and love myself the more rich my relationships became with those around me.

There was a small amount of shedding people and things that no longer served me. And that always kind of rocks you. It’s never easy letting go of people that have been in your life but it’s the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and them to let them go with grace and ease.

It’s my hope that by sharing this that it causes some of us to think. Not necessarily if you are in a situation where you have to be a detective in a relationship but to mostly examine how much we love ourselves on the daily.

Grasping that concept has been one of the most transformational things I have done for myself and my quality of life.

As women we need to collectively raise awareness of this. We all deserve nothing but the best, brilliant, healthy, positive and loving relationships.

We deserve respect.

We can travel to the end of the earth searching for someone who will respect us but will never find it unless we learn to begin with ourselves.

My prayer is that we can learn from each other and support one another and help lead each other to healthy relationships with ourselves first and foremost and then with others.

I consider myself to be extremely blessed. I am grateful for the Bearded things in my life don’t get me wrong but I am most grateful for my awareness of how loving myself translates outward into amazing things.

Enough for now.

All my love. Every bit of it. ❣️

a. Danielle

The secret magic pill to our body image woes…Β 

Life is too short to be spent at war with yourself…. βš“οΈ

As promised here is the first blurb in an undetermined amount of blurbies in the series called “What the FπŸ’₯ck is goin on around here”. πŸ™‚ 

I don’t know about you but I think that’s got a catchy little ringly jingly to it. πŸ™ƒ

Let’s dive right in. 

Did you do your homework task? Did you pinpoint that thing about your body that you hate or are embarrassed of?

You know the thing… it’s what you pick apart relentlessly every time you look in the mirror, what you spend an obscene amount of time trying to cover up or adjust your clothing just right so your not exposed and it isn’t seen by God forbid another judgmental person… Including yourself. 

It’s the thing you may secretly admire on another persons body… 

I know you know what it is. It’s the thing that deflates us of self esteem and maybe even self worth… 

If your like me it’s the thing(s) that caused me to go shopping ONLY when I had a level 5.8 buzz because the anxiety and disgust and self loathing that showed up to my dressing room was enough to set off a massive meltdown.  The shame and disappointment I felt about myself when trying on clothes was somewhat soothed over by booze and maybe a snaccidental Xanax pill… 

It might be the thing that causes you to try on 483737384 outfits to go out in only to say fuck it because your so upset you end up staying home. Then not only do you not go flutter with your loved ones but you actually stay home and order a pizza and binge yourself into oblivion because stuffing yourself miserable was the better alternative to the shit you feel when you think about yourself and what you feel you look like in the mirror. 

Not that I know from experience…. 

I think you catch my drifty here. 

Now this is gonna get a little interactive for a minute. Don’t worry I will be participating right along side you. 

This parts important though, so don’t skip over it. 

I want you to think long and hard about the intensity of how you feel when you think of this body part or all the havoc that part wreaks on your body. 

And I mean REALLY feel it. 

What is it? Shame? DISGUST? Do you hate it? And how ferociously do you hate it? Does it cause embarrassment? Feelings that your never gonna be loved or accepted?

It’s ok. Come with me a little further…. 

Does it make you feel less than? Does it make you feel like your not beautiful? Does it make you feel like your a failure or worthless? Your stupid? Ugly?

What? Your in constant fear your husbands gonna replace you with a newer make and model because you think your fat and lack self esteem, confidence and self worth and can’t bring yourself to confidently wear cute and trendy clothes like everyone else? 

Oh. Woops. How’d that one get in there πŸ™ƒ

I’m telling you this is important that you get real fucking honest and real fast if you want to see, touch, feel and embrace dynamic positive change. 

With me? Good. Now sit with it. Sit with those shitty feels.

Don’t push them down or away. Don’t jump to Facebook and numb yourself out. 

It’s ok. I’m here with you and I wouldn’t tell you to go here if I wasnt. I’ve got you. Trust me. 

Because this: 

Now let’s shift gears a smidge. 

Now tell me this. What is the thing or person you absolutely love more than anything on the face of the earth? More than the air you breath? What’s the thing you love so much that it makes your soul flutter and stomach feel like it has butterflies in it. What’s the thing that lights you up at the very thought about it?? 

Maybe you smiled just now when you thought of it… 

Isn’t that feeling amazing? Those kind of feels that pure love elicites. Pure, uninhibited, blissful love. 

Now let’s sit with this a bit. Let it wrap around your heart and dance in your soul. Let it warm you up from the inside out.

Those warm and fuzzy feels. The things that just feel like home. You can breath. You feel peaceful easy feelings πŸ™ƒ Joy. Bliss. Soul smiles. Radiant warmth from the inside out.

Remember this feeling. 

Now, I need to ask you something serial…  When is the last time you felt THAT way when you thought about yourself? 

When’s the last time you felt remotely like that when you looked in the mirror? 

You don’t do very often do you??… Be truthful. 

Why not? 

I know what your thinking. You thought you were gonna get a meal plan or secret magic trick or magic pill to make your body woes go away didn’t you? 

You thought you were gonna get the short cut to get rid of that cellulite right? And now I’ve taken you on a crazy train ride though a shit storm of emotions and you think there’s no connection. 

But there is. 

There sooooooo is. 

This my friends and followers (and haters that want to keep tabs on me πŸ˜‰) was the issue that once I had a rude awakening about how terrible I was treating myself – and made an attempt to be more loving and accepting of myself changed EVERYTHING. 

You don’t believe me that’s fine? But this is your first task to be mindful about. 

I’m telling you that I know you want to jump in an ubber restrictive low carb low calorie starvation diet and do 4837267294 mins of cardio to get where you think you need to be and that’s ok. 

But if you want to make deep, meaningful positive changes… start here. 

Here’s why… 

I know that you think you will reach the pinnacle happiness “when you lose that 15-20lbs” or get back into your pre-Prego clothes etc. 

The truth is if you can’t source happiness from the inside regardless of what you look like or feel like on the outside your gonna be in for a rude awakening. Trust me on this one, I know. 

Your looks can change at any time… Period? Oh lord be ready for that extra water weight, grouchy cravings and roller coaster emotions, oh my!

Restricted yourself so much that you finally got into those jeans or dropped the weight but found out you simply can’t sustain that rigid type of lifestyle and the next thing you know you gained it all back and maybe then some??!? ☹️ 

I’m not telling you how to live your life or sayin that I am right (but I am πŸ˜πŸ˜œπŸ™ƒ kiddin). What I am sayin is that I have been there done that and found a better, more peaceful, graceful way to go about things that produce a much higher success rate all across the board.

And I am telling you that once I surrendered and latched on to this theory things improved DRAMATICALLY. 

So just try it for a little while….. That’s all I’m asking. Hand me over that hate, and shame and guilt and self loathing you have to yourself and your body and try illiciting feelings of love and full acceptance to yourself. 

Love yourself and that part of you we picked out earlier as much and as hard as you love the thing or person most dearest to your heart. 

I promise I’ll give you back your shame and guilt and hatred if you find that it’s easier living treating yourself like that than it is to treat yourself with loves. 

I am confident that you will find it so much easier and less abrasive living with this new attitude toward yourself. It will fill your time with so much more joy you will wonder how you ever endured living in such negativity as you did before. 


Next in the lineup of blurbies will adventure into my food and exercise fumbles and triumphs and what I do to feel as amazing as I do. (Notice I always reference “feel” and not “look”…. hmmmmm πŸ™‚πŸŒŸπŸ™ƒ)

Not sure in which order but stay tuned and in the mean time I’ll take care of your guilt and shame and hate feelers that you let go of for now. No worries they are in good hands πŸ™ƒ 

All my love….. 

a. Danielle ❣️