This one was sooooo monumental for me I have to share it.
I had to take Bearded things IPad to the gym so I could record some videos for my personal training and well-being social media stuffs because I had forgotten mine at home 3 hours away.
I am NOT a tech person whatsoever. I barely use my iPhone for probs .00063 % of what its actually capable of doing. I have never successfully had a productive conversation with Siri… I am well behind the times of the current trends and fancy technology anything.
I pressed the button on his iPad to get into it and there were a bunch of notifications right on the front page before I entered the password that I realized were his text messages.
I guess you can get them on both your iPhone and iPad at the same time 🤔
I didn’t know that was such a thing. But I didn’t want to look at them because I felt like he deserves privacy just as much as anyone else does.
So when you type in the password they go away but you can see a snippet of them on the front page before you unlock it.
I went about my business working out and filming some short videos demonstrating my workout progression and didn’t think much else of it each time I had to unlock the iPad.
But as I was driving home something major dawned on me. It was a huge ass “OMG I think I might be doing life right for once” type of realization.
I know as I write this that I am the ONLY woman on the face of this earth that has ever snooped through her husband or spouses phone 🙃
You see my marriage was that type of relationship. And once you go down the dark alley of checking their phones when they leave it laying around it’s an addiction that’s hard to break.
You find things you really don’t want to find. And if you confront them when you find something they always weasel around spewing so much BS it makes your head spin.
All that happens is brick by brick we build up a wall around our hearts and are prisoner to checking and seeing if we can find something on their phone that will justify the ill feelings we have in our gut about the situation anyway.
It’s terrible looking back at my marriage and the antics that went on in those walls.
But when I seen Bearded Things text notifications I realized that I could have at any moment jumped in and read to my hearts content.
But I didn’t.
And here’s why:
First off, I have developed on a personal and spiritual level to the point where I love myself enough now to not be in the sort of relationship where it requires me to check up on their whereabouts.
I made the decision after I healed from the wreckage of the my marriage and subsequent divorce that if I ever found myself in another position where I felt like I had to snoop in a phone I would walk.
I would leave the relationship right then and there.
As I reflect on my marriage I can see I spent an exorbitant amount of time on his trails trying to prohibit him from some of the bullshit he was engaging in. It was exhausting. I put all my energy into catching him doing things and trying to stop it by constantly checking and scouring the earth for signs of foul play. I completely lost myself in it.
And when I found solid proof of things I already knew in my gut were happening I didn’t check in with MYSELF and see what I needed to do in terms of navigating the situation from a self preserving, loved based perspective.
I wanted to lock him down further and keep him in a bubble so he wouldn’t do the things he was doing.
But what I SHOULD have been spending my energy doing was telling him to fuck the fuck off.
I am in disbelief looking back at the stuff that I allowed to happen.
That shit would NEVERRRRRRRRRR fly with me now.
I love and respect myself too much now.
Learning how to love and respect myself came well after I allowed myself to be in relationships that were detrimental to my soul.
The other takeaway is seeing how different I am now than in my previous relationship. I am finishing up a 10 month self love guide certificate program that has taught me much about how we love ourselves and how that effects what we accept from relationships with others.
I can feel it in my heart that it’s part of my work on earth to illustrate how learning to love and respect ourselves first is CRUCIAL in determining our relationships with others.
It’s a guidance for what we allow. What we put up with.
I want to inspire a change in dynamic from where a woman has to learn how to be a better detective to find her spouses misdeeds to showing how the woman can love herself enough to tell him to take a flying fuck at a donut. (Read: kick his ass to the curb and celebrate their sovereign bad ass self 🤘🏾💥✨).
I’m not saying that relationships can’t be worked on and move past certain situations. What I am saying is that if we find ourself being detective and exhaust ourselves to the point we don’t recognize ourselves when we look in the mirror then we need to love ourselves enough to get out.
I was filled with humble joy yesterday as I realized how much I have grown. This had nothing to do with Bearded things really. It had everything to do with the changes that I have done internally.
There is much power in learning to treat ourselves like we are our most prized possessions. It sets the stage for most all other things in our life.
The more I turned inward and learned to honor and love myself the more rich my relationships became with those around me.
There was a small amount of shedding people and things that no longer served me. And that always kind of rocks you. It’s never easy letting go of people that have been in your life but it’s the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and them to let them go with grace and ease.
It’s my hope that by sharing this that it causes some of us to think. Not necessarily if you are in a situation where you have to be a detective in a relationship but to mostly examine how much we love ourselves on the daily.
Grasping that concept has been one of the most transformational things I have done for myself and my quality of life.
As women we need to collectively raise awareness of this. We all deserve nothing but the best, brilliant, healthy, positive and loving relationships.
We deserve respect.
We can travel to the end of the earth searching for someone who will respect us but will never find it unless we learn to begin with ourselves.
My prayer is that we can learn from each other and support one another and help lead each other to healthy relationships with ourselves first and foremost and then with others.
I consider myself to be extremely blessed. I am grateful for the Bearded things in my life don’t get me wrong but I am most grateful for my awareness of how loving myself translates outward into amazing things.
Enough for now.
All my love. Every bit of it. ❣️