i will always be amused by the wonders of the world. One of the most immense wonders is the narcissist and the torment and abuse they inflict on their targets.
I’m empathic to the millionth degree and want to help everyone heal and because of that (lucky me ☘️) makes me a prime target for narcissists to latch and feed on.
i was attacked, vehemently verbally and emotionally assaulted by a narcissist the other day and it debilitated me.
Unlucky for this malignant narc i have extensive training in the slippery emotional torment, abuse and games that they play so that i could see the dynamic of what was happening.
They are so stealth that by the end of the conversation they will have fucked your mind every which way without lube so they have yourself believing that YOU were the abuser and they are the victim AND they will begin smear campaigning so that they make sure they are ahead of the curve and drag you through the mud to everyone else to rally against you.
It’s an egregious source of abuse from multiple angles. The victim continues to suffer because while they are stunned at the manipulation the narc is busy rallying the flying monkeys to attack and assault, silent treat etc.
This torment can be in relationships and can be in your work environment.
It’s exhausting. It’s nothing short of torment for their own sick, distorted feeding for themselves.
If someone is not aware of the dynamic of the manipulation that can open them up to start going down the slippery slope of losing any and all self esteem, self worth, self confidence.
i have had to build myself back up from having my soul raped out of me once before. I’m well aware of how this goes.
The abuse i endured the other day was not in vain. It carried a heavy lesson for me in it, as life always does.
i will spare the details of the abuser and the flying monkeys because as with Old Life, my writing and work will NEVER be about vindictive paybacks.
It will be about healing and growing through it. It will be about bringing awareness to abuse that goes on behind closed doors. It will be about giving a voice to those who are not able to speak up for themselves, YET (#empowerment).
God gave me the gift of a fierce fucking heart. And He gave me the gift of words and courage. And while i will temporarily be knocked off my center, i will always find a way to serve the highest good of not only myself but for those that came before me and those who will come after me.
i will not lie or sugar coat this episode for you. i had a meltdown. Period.
It was an intense, emotionally and spiritually draining meltdown. it was through the angelicesque (is that a word🤔) help of my Healing practitioner and mentor that i was able to see that i have been walking around my whole life with hatred in me.
That startled me to hear and i wanted to defend against it because i work my damndest to love myself, God, those i love hard, and those i wish not to have in my life.
But it was there in me. It had been the entire time. It actually stemmed from Dead Mom (when she wasn’t dead) and it’s been a leech in me ever since. Growing with toxicity inside me.
If you believe in energy and emotions you will know that lower vibrational emotions like that wreak havoc in our bodies. It causes heaviness and illness.
i had pretty much shoved the hate in a box and hid it in me by putting a rug over it so i couldn’t see it and could act like it didn’t exist.
But it does. And this whole scene with my abuser triggered that hatred to jump out of the box and make itself known.
When you work for love and the light you don’t want to hear these things about yourself or admit to them.
But that type of denial helps no one.
i cannot change my abuser. As i write these words he is busy grooming his flying monkeys, spreading vehement, flagrant lies about me because (as i know VERY WELL) i am in the discard phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle. Overlapping with the smear campaign and grooming of the next victim phase etc etc etc BARF 🤮😜💚
What i can choose to turn my attention to is healing this hate. i will not lie to you. i fucking HATED my dead mom.
i didn’t really realize how viciously i felt about her until i started feeling that way after this recent attack from my boss.
It had to show itself to be healed.
My task going forward spiritually is to learn to let go of the hate. i now acknowledge that it is very much there. It roared up so vigorously i couldn’t deny it.
i have to literally with every ounce of my being learn to love my boss as he is. God made him. i have to learn how to love dead mom as SHE is.
This will in turn heal me and free me. With the space that will open up will enter the most beautiful things and i can tell you from personal experience the impact is immediate.
i have already met some of the most deep souled, kind caring beings that are more in alignment with my truth by allowing myself to let go of the things i was holding on so desperately to.
ANDDDDD if you don’t think God and your spirit guides will send you nudgies and reminders think again my loves ☺️
i got this little nudge the day after this experience.
🤪🤪🤪🤪 We have guidance along this crazy ass journey called life. i had slacked a bit on my newfound “Love the peeps i used to secretly loath” project. This got me back in line as i smiles and rolled my eyes.
It was within the next hours that i was blessed with beautiful things and new connections that made my heart soar.
It’s rough right now but i am putting energy into seeing through eyes of love for everything and coming with a grateful heart for what the abuser has shown me about myself.
In fact, i know that he has given me more fierce desire to be a voice for this type of abuse and he only gives me more experience. While he thinks he is destroying me, he doesn’t know I’m a mother fucking Phoenix.
Enough for now.
All my deepest, mostsincere, imperfect love ❣️