I hope everyone is navigating through their Monday with joyful ease today 🙂
Today I want to talk about body image struggles.
Life is always teaching me.
Yesteday I had this amazing idea. I wanted to show you all the not so sparkly side of life. I don’t want to just post stuff on social media to make it look like everything is unicorn farts and sparkles in my world. Because it’s not.
I was feeling bloated yesteday for whatever reason. I was thinking about how I just posted those pictures of myself in a bikini and how I wanted to illuminate how that’s not always how I look.
I have cellulite and rolls and things about me I am self conscious about also. I am human.
My braniac idea was to show a picture of my fluffy roll hanging over my pants, unedited and write something about it.
My teachers had other plans for me and other lessons I needed to learn though as they most often do.
I was so excited for the project and to be able to help others feel better about themselves too. But what actually happened when I seen the pictures was a kick in the gut for me. BIG time.
This is the picture:
This was not what I was wanting to see. Think about how crazy that is. I was more afraid of the fact that I THOUGHT there would be a huge fat roll hanging over my pants but wasn’t. I was mortified at the realization it was all in my head.
I THOUGHT I’d be writing a post about being in love with our rolls. What this has ended up teaching me is an enormous reminder of how terrible and cruel our own minds can be.
I literally felt like a beached whale that had rigor mortis 😳
I mean, to think that person thought she was fat is fucking horrible. I can’t even fathom it.
I know what your all going to say. I can hear it now before posting this piece. I’m crazy for thinking I’m fat etc etc etc.
And your right. So very right. I’m crazy for falling victim to the shitty voices in my head.
It doesn’t matter what you or anyone else thinks when they look at me. It matters what I think of me.
The panic came from the realization that I still have so much more mindful, loving leaning in to do so that I am diligent about not letting the shitty voices in my head hijack what is really going on, dictating how I feel about myself, and how worthy it tells me I am.
Just when I think I have come so far (which I have, and so have you), I get a major dose of reality. Life is very much a journey of ebb and flow. We don’t ever really arrive at our destination and never have to be mindful or pay attention to it again.
It’s a constant up and down and side to side, twisty turvy. With everything. With love, relationships, etc.
The second thing this showed me is where my place in this world is going to be. I thought I was going to be a warrior to help others bust through their own blocks of self love with being body positive regardless of your shape and size. Which I am. But this one went a little deeper for me.
My jam will be illuminating the struggles even people with non existent fat rolls that are made up in their own heads have.
There’s plenty of fat shaming that is predominant out in the world but sometimes we don’t give attention to another kind of shaming that I have experienced throughout my life.
It’s a reverse of fat shaming. It’s the dirty looks I get when I walk into a room full of women that without even taking a look at them I can feel from their energy that they are not comfortable in their own skin. But instead of owning that in their own hearts it’s easier to shame and throw dirty looks or make assumptions about me that they have not a FUCKING clue about.
We all have our struggles. Most of us shame ourselves rigorously enough we don’t need other women to pounce on the attack.
We must learn to be easy on ourselves. We must learn to differentiate between the lies and the true, God loving voices in our heads. We must learn that we cannot and should not believe the negative lies and bullshit our ego brains try and feed us.
It’s my prayer that those of us that struggle with this type of thing REGARDLESS of what our body shape is will eventually achieve freedom from the torment.
It’s also my prayer that shaming becomes extinct and we all turn towards love. Whether it’s learning to love ourself or learning that it’s ok to see another persons beauty and appreciate it and not be threatened or think that it diminishes our own beauty.
Blissful love feels for us today. 💕