My dads mom died a few weeks back in a rather unexpected turn of events.
From what I remember of her she was the sweetest, most loving being on the face of the planet. At probably 4 foot 3 she brought more than her fair share in the loving energy she exuded.
I say “from what I remember” of her because I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her growing up.
Maybe a Fourth of July here or there or a couple holidays scattered around.
This was namely due to the fact that my mother whose now dead, didn’t allow me to see my father or spend much time with him when they got divorced. I think they divorced somewhere before I was 5.
She, like many others before her and certainly after her played games. Those shitty games vindictive females that give all of us other loving, healing females a bad name, play.
I see this all the time and it makes me lose so much faith in humanity.
I’ve watched one of my best friends and her husband battle with his ex over their child they have together for 6 gruesome years.
The tactics that his ex uses to manipulate and smear campaign and her frivolous absurd sneaky plain abusive things she does to make them miserable when it comes to custody and visitation has been so excruciating to watch.
I mean excruciating times infinity. 😞
My girlfriend and her husband are a happily married, healthy family unit with two babies with more love to go around that you could dream possible. They are MORE than well enough equipped to take care of the other child.
But vindictive, hateful, vengeful and petty mother won’t allow it. And goes to the depths of hell and back to make everything miserable for them. Court battles, exhausted nerves and emotions in excess.
I have two of my very best guy friends whom I watch in similar situations. I know both of these humans like the back of my hand and know without a grain of doubt they are enormously loving beings that would love nothing more than to be able to spend peaceful time with their babies.
But, you guessed it. Vindictive, vengeful, hateful petty women won’t allow it to be peaceful. One won’t even allow her child to see her dad at all. Maybe once a year?… Terrible.
So what does all this have to do with my grandma dying and me almost thanking my dead mom??
It’s because I have this huge side of my family I hardly know and it’s due to my dead mom being vengeful, vindictive and hate spewing and playing games by not allowing me to go with my dad.
She had other plans and they didn’t include what was truly best for me.
The positive thing that I tried to pick out from having to attend my grandmas funeral is that while my heart and soul were so immensely saddened for dad and his umteen siblings… I was able to keep my feet under me because I didn’t know her that well.
So that’s the part where I almost wanted to thank dead mom. Because of her not allowing me to forge a relationship the sadness and hurt didn’t cut as deep as it should or could have.
I did however found my mind drifting off to a different sort of sadness at that funeral. It was sadness over memories that could have been. The love and tears and emotions and exquisite things said about my grandma made me horribly sad that I didn’t get to experience her closeness like the other people in that room.
I know that woman is special.
If you share children with someone or know or someone that does… and you or they have made it their role on this earth to make their ex miserable in terms of seeing the children or refuse to work peacefully and amicably in the best interests of EVERYONE involved and not just their hurt ego…
Knock. The. Shit. Off.
I am the product of a mother that did this and let me tell you once I got old enough to see the dynamics and the games for myself I fucking HATED my mom.
And I meant that with every ounce of my soul. I have since forgiven her and our relationship now that’s she’s moved on from her earthly body has improved. We still have our days but mostly she shows me what NOT to do or be as a parent.
Her way of being blew up in her face because it escalated to where I ended up getting to go live with my dad in high school.
I ended up cutting her out of my life for about 4 years until the day I found out she was gonna die. Specifically, St. Patty’s day 2011.
I had to reevaluate things real quick and learn how to both forgive and accept an apology I never actually received because there was no room for my hurt ego in that mix.
So my point is this:
I know enough about people to know that if they are being destructive to others, if they are doing things that are meant to inflict misery on another person most often it’s because they are hurting themselves.
I understand they may be hurting but that doesn’t excuse them of their behavior. While I realize that we cannot change or control peeps I do believe heavily in the power of prayer.
While they are busy trying to make others lives miserable what we can be doing instead of feeding into their drama is praying deeply for whatever is in their heart that is hurting to be let go of and for them to have peace.
If they were truly at peace in themselves they wouldn’t behave maliciously. If we only pray for them not to be asses we are only skimming the surface. We need to pray for what truly ailes them and what’s at the root of the problem for true, whole healing.
Even though I am continually disappointed by the actions of people trying to inflict pain, hate, shade or whatever you call it, I will continue to pray for their peace. But in a real and authentic way. Not the kind where you post bible memes on Facebook but go around being dick to others when no ones looking.
I mean really walking the talk.
I know that for as many people as there are out there that thrive on hatred and playing the false victim so they can give themselves clearance to be asses, there are PLENTY of us out there pounding the pavement for love and peacefulness for everyone. Even those whom harmed us.
I believe love wins.
Every. Damn. Time. ❣️
I believe if we spend time praying for peace in the hearts of others that have done us dirty that we will make an impact. Hate won’t drive out hate.
So I ask you to pray for your destructive ex. Pray for your friends who maybe enduring battles like these. Pray hard for them to let go of the hatred that’s blinding them to their destruction of not only themselves but to those around them.
We must keep on keepin’ on being love warriors and doing hard things.
Massice love and massive prayers for peace ❣️