I hope this week has met you all with so many morsels of joy!!!
I’m feeling so full of luster today and wanna share some stuffs on my heart with you 🙂
I wanna dip into the woo for a bit and share some of my thoughts on prayer.
For those of you who recently jumped on my journey with me and don’t know me from old life won’t know that my connection with the divine, my relationship with God and my spirituality has totally transformed. Unrecognizably so.
In my old life, I was really mad at God.
We will just leave it at that for now.
In my travels I have been wrapping my heart around faith and how that weaves into my prayer life.
I used to be of the mentality that was like “God, you show ME first… then I’ll believe.”
I have since discovered that is not how faith works.
I’m a type A person and have had my trust and heart broken on epic levels. It’s insanely difficult for me to release control on things. Allllllllllll the things 🙃.
I would lean heavily on worry, anxiety and stress as if those things would change or manipulate the outcome of anything I was going through. It was severely damaging to how much joy I was able to experience in the present moment. And I didn’t realize how I was contributing to that.
Stress, worry and anxiety rob us of peace and effect the outcome of absolutely nothing.
I am a huge beleiever of energy and the concept that what we put out there we get back to us. I believe like attracts like. I believe in miracles and manifesting. I believe deeply in God and answered prayers. And I believe in grace and forgiveness.
I’m getting to the point, trust me.
There’s one year from old life I (appropriately) named the year of the dead peeps 🙂 Catchy isn’t it 🙃
I had my beloved mother in law, grandma (dead moms mom) and dead mom die all 7 months to the day, almost to the minute apart from each other.
It was fun times. And such 🙃
We had peeps telling us all the time they were praying for us…. and I even think I attempted to pray.
But my prayers looked something like this:
God if your really real, please don’t let these people suffer and die. Bring them back to health (so that I don’t have to suffer from losing them)…
God, if you let them live I am sorry for everything bad I ever did… I’ll promise to do XYZ in the future from now on…
God, if miracles really do exist I’m begging you please let Paula get better….
You get the drift.
These prayers, are coming from a place of desperation and bargaining and disbelief.
I didn’t know any better at the time. I was raised by wolves (no fucking joke) and had less than zero exposure to God or the divine growing up.
I was like 27 when I realized that Easter wasn’t just about Cadbury eggs. I wish I was lying. I’m not.
If you know anything about faith you understand that a key component of it is putting your absolute trust in the unseen.
It’s an intimate “knowing” that things will happen and unfold exactly how they are meant to. They may not unfold how WE want them to, but things always, always unfold just as they should. Perfectly as the divine has planned it all along.
My perspective on prayer is this:
I believe our prayers should come from a place of love and not desperation. They should be backed with gratitude, trust and faith. When we are praying from those places it’s harder to let desperation in.
What this looks like is something like this:
“Jesus, I know you have your hands in this right now and I trust that you will allow the outcome to be for the highest good for us all. I also know that what I think is the best outcome truly might not actually be. If this outcome isn’t what I want it to be I trust that you will wrap your love around all of us so that we may heal. Thank you for all the amazing ways your hands have worked in my life.”
When I think about praying for someone sick and in critical condition… I used to pray for them to get better because I didn’t want to suffer the loss and I didn’t want them to suffer.
Now, I simply trust that if They want to come get our people and take them back home it’s all very much for the best.
I also know this much… nothing down here is ours to keep forever. I think that’s the lesson in life…. to be mindful and grateful of the moments we have.
Sometimes it can feel like our prayers aren’t being answered or we aren’t getting our desired outcome. I have grown to learn that this means just relax and watch what’s going to happen because the things we pray about and what our minds think pale in comparison to what we have in store from our Creator. That’s the beauty in faith.
I have noticed since this evolution in my mindset I have acquired a certain amount of peace. It’s not to say I don’t get sad or have a knee jerk to want to bargain out something.
But if God is who I think He is I know its absolutely not his intention to have us suffer. This means truly giving it to God. Handing over the reigns and faithfully trusting His plan.
I feel a certain relief in thinking about that and it brings me back centered and calm.
It’s so soothing to know that we don’t have to go it alone. And it’s so much more beautiful to have a faith based mindset rather than fear.
Much peace and love and joy for all today, and everyday.