Reflections about the woman that came after me… And the peace that comes with learning to mind my own f*cking business πŸ™ƒπŸŒŸβœ¨πŸ’«

This ones been swirling around for a while so I thought I’d entertain ya’ll and give this breath to come alive. 

Recently I was spending a few short minutes (read: hours and days straight without coming up for air) on Instagram and came across this gem: 


I would have skipped right on by but I was sucked into the trillions of comments under it. 

It’s time like those my spirituality, compassion and faith in mankind is most tested. 

The rage… the disgust… the hate and yuck that was smeared in those words from people talking about their exes. A large majority of them were scorned women of narcissistic men that had been discarded, as most are due to the nature of that beast. 

While I will NEVER ever ever ever EVER for one moment take away from what a person endures under the poisonous, toxic hell and abuse that comes with being with a narcissist, I do have thoughts about this. 

The first being….. 

WHO THE FUCK CARES. 

Can I get an amen???

Why do you WANT to talk to your exes new person and warn them? Where’s this coming from inside you??? 

Revenge? Vindictiveness???

Because I could tell you with only about a million percent certainty that most of those scorned women didn’t want to warn the new replacement because they genuinely cared about that new, unsuspecting victim. 

That would be a whole other thing. 

These women wanted to exact revenge. They wanted someone to pay for the pain that was caused to them. And they wanted to make sure to rob their ex of any joy and peace possible.

Which, yes. On one hand… from personal experience I wanted heads to start rolling. 

Trust me. 

Coming from someone who was humiliated, destroyed, and left with vulchers basically pecking out my eyeballs along with any remnants of my soul that was left… I can understand this more than you know. 

But here’s the deal:

When we live with lower vibrational feels in us like hate, rage and disgust causing us to want to revenge, smear campaign and make someone pay for what we think they have done to us: 

This poisons no one but ourselves

If we step out in the woo a bit further… living with those energies burning hot and furious within us can manifest in the form of illness, disease, major misfortunes, and generalized personal misery.  

That misery is in US. Not them. Sorry, karma doesn’t work like you wish it did… 

Sometimes we don’t realize that we are the source of our misery because we are so busy blaming our ex and their new life, painting ourselves into a victim, or blaming anything and everything else in general. 

Blame game is so much easier than taking ownership and picking up our pieces and focusing on rebuilding them into a beautiful, brilliant new masterpiece of ourselves. 

I can write this piece because I HAVE BEEN THERE. 

I mean really, really there. 

Wishing ill on my replacement… Sometimes finding myself giggling, smirking and feeling a sick sort of satisfaction thinking about what was gonna happen when he does to her what he did to me (Which, I truly hope he doesn’t  πŸ™ƒ). 

But you know what that made me??? 

A dick. That’s what. 

It wasn’t congruent with who I truly am at the core of my soul which is an incredibly compassionate human being that wishes only love and the most good for everyone. 

EVERYONE.

In stepping into and owning that I discovered I couldn’t selectively feel that way and be authentic to that truth but then have that bit of revenge in the pit of my soul. 

So I had to evaluate myself. And let me tell you it was a hard bitch to do but OH soooo worth it. 

Staying in my lane, forgiving myself and all others, and looking forward has given me an insane sense of freedom. A sense of peace so sweet and delicious I want to package it up and sell it. 


I won’t lie to you…  it gave me a sort of high conjuring up all that vehement hate to the point I could feel my blood boil. 

It was once I started truly understanding emotions and what they do to us… physically, mentally and spiritually that I decided to check myself before I wrecked myself. 

I get it. I had to swallow the fact that MY life and the vision of what it should have been was ripped out from under me. It might have been ripped out from under you also… I get that. 

But follow me a smidge… 

In the rebuilding process you want to make YOU the focus.

Look and focus our energies within. 

Focusing on our own healing and rebuilding and designing our new life into something more amazing than we can dream of simply cannot happen unless we forgive, let go, and move forward. 


It really hit home for me when I realized that I wouldn’t want to wish the misery I went through on another person regardless of what their story is. Regardless of what their part in my life has been. Good or bad.

The one after me has 2 kids from a previous marriage and all I could think is what does that make me if I wish ill on her?? That would mean her babies would be affected if she were treated with the same brutality that I was.

Wow. Fucking WOW. 

How could I live with that? 

I couldn’t. At the end of the day that was exhausting and draining to me to direct my energy in that fashion. 

Do I always like the hand I was dealt in life??  Mmmmm… sometimes not so much. 

But the majority of other times, YESSSSSSS. Yes so much. πŸ™‚

I can speak from personal experience that living from a place of peace, forgiveness and love has served me so much better than the alternatives. 

I can’t even describe to you how much more at ease I feel that even though my part in Mr. Good’s life didn’t end well… I truly and deeply hope that his soul has finally found what it was yearning for. 

That feels sooooo much more delicious and fulfilling to be happy for other peoples happiness and well being.

Sometimes we don’t always get what we want in life. 

With a little elbow grease, a lot of internal reflection with a dash of grace from God we can totally co-create exquisite masterpieces of our own lives with broken pieces of the previous ones. 

This requires brutal honesty with ourselves though. And that’s hard and messy and very uncomfortable. But so rewarding in its own right.

Forgiving and moving on and dropping the bullshit transparent games doesn’t mean I agree with what happened to me in those dark years… And you shouldn’t either. 

No fucking way. It just means I made the decision to not let it disturb my peace and flow any more than it already had. 


By sharing my experiences (crazy brain) and brutal truth of my existence, I hope to be an inspiration. I hope to illuminate a path for us all to be able to find peace in our own lives. I pray that every moment we spend on this earth, we are filled with the most joy, sparkle and magnificence a person could dream of and more. 

Big love ❣️

a. Danielle 

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