Transformational growth side effects πŸ˜Ά

I wanted to write a little blurby blurb (new fave word btw πŸ™ƒ) about some of the side effects of embarking on a personal transformational growth project. 

I feel like a little lotus flower of sorts.  These past few years following my devastating spiritual rock bottom have been the catalyst for my second chance at life. 

It’s allowed my life to be re-created and transformed so dramatically in the most beautifully exquisite, soulful, life purposeful and sparkly fluttery ways. 

As with most things there is some back draft that goes with it. I want to presence it because it took me the longest time to realize it and accept it. I feel like my inability to navigate it was keeping me stuck. 

When we get down and dirty with ourself and make monumental changes that align us closer to our personal truth, we will notice that some of the people around and closest to us will get uncomfortable. 

We as creatures tend to not like change regardless if it will end up saving our lives later. We keep a death grip on things, peeps and places regardless how toxic they are for us. 

Some (read: Not ALL) of the peeps closest to us will be uncomfortable with our new growth and fight like hell to keep us just how we were. They like the status quo because if we change and our relationship changes that means they possibly have to change to… Shriek πŸ˜–

Sometimes our own personal growth causes them to look in the mirror and that’s one scary ass son of a bitch. It’s easier to fight to keep US in a box than to go within themselves. 

And that’s ok. 

It has to be ok because this: 


It’s been my observation that just like the lotus flower, some of the most beautifully brilliant transformations come from rising up out of the wreckage that used to be our old lives. 

Those ashes and that rubble are actually the very things that polish us into our new beauty. If we allow them to. If we are able to look at our adversity as a life saving gift. 

I know it’s hard while we are in the storm and I will write more blurby blurbs ( Damn I love that 😝) about that later. 

But when we rise like a Phoenix out of those ashes we will start to feel and see and embrace our own brilliance like never before. 

We will feel the fire that has been reignited deep down inside us. We will have a clarity and purpose that keeps nudging us forward.  That fire will help us put one foot in front of the other to continue making courageous decisions and changes about our life to take us places with views we have never even dreamed of when we were in old life and old skin. 

When we begin to feel that fire and taste the passion and embrace our new spark we will want to protect that with every last tenacious ounce of ourselves. 

It will not be easy. We are in new skin and fluttering at new levels and fresh out of the gates of doing so. We will be controversial to some and that may cause us to wince and as a knee jerk reaction we will want to make ourselves small again and cloak ourself with a robe of repression so that our brilliance isn’t so obvious. 

You should know what I’m about to say here if you know anything at all about me… 

But in case you don’t: 

FUCK THAT.  πŸ™‚

We will notice people we thought were our ride or die friends will (to no fault of their own) want to keep us down. They want to pull us back and dim our spark. 

We may notice new people that entered our life that we thought were gonna be wing men for an eternity will want to keep us dimmed from flowing freely. 

They have fears and demons of their own that they are wrestling with. At first this pissed me off fiercely and I felt betrayed. My ego threw all sorts of tantrums. I wanted to rip out all kinds of peepers and toss them in the air like confettis. πŸ™ƒ

But here’s the deal. 

It’s not about us. It never is. Their reaction to us is about THEM. They have fears and demons that they are dealing with too that they haven’t gotten into the trenches with yet. 

It’s not their fault. It’s just where they are at with their own personal journey. It helps to view this transition from a compassionate stand point or else we will be exerting energy in unwise, unproductive ways. 

Like I was. 

Here’s the point I want to drive home. 

Life has a way of flowing more gracefully with the ability to open doors and align us with places, opportunities, people and things that will bring us closer to living our purpose when we loosen the grip and surrender. 

These new things and opportunities and peeps will help nurture our new blaze.  We will be so enveloped in joy and purpose that our souls will finally exhale. πŸŒŸπŸ’«βœ¨

But the clencher is that we must let go, surrender and allow the things that no longer serve us to peacefully drift out of our lives. 

I use the term peacefully here because it is a shock at some of the things that people will do to throw shade at us. It comes in various forms and a multitude of different flavors but the intent is the same. 

It will leave us speechless and confused because with our new found zest and love for life we couldn’t fathom doing that to someone else. 

That’s why the relationship we have with our spark is important. That’s why standing in our truth is vital.  

We have to release the fears of abandonment of letting someone (toxic) go. 

We have to flow through the guilt that often comes from removing long residing people out of our life and not let it paralyze us to keep them around. 

We have to evaluate at what cost is it to us? If it’s at the cost of our soul and purpose it’s too expensive. 

You fought through tough things to get your blaze you don’t want it dampened.


When we let the toxic set up shop and take up real estate there is no room for new beautiful things. When we hang on tooth and nail to a friendship that we have outgrown or one that has grown toxic, we are not creating space for others to move in serendipitously that are a much better vibrational match for us.

I will tell you that once you get a taste of the sweetness that is your true self you will want to protect that with every ounce of your being. 

Your spark, like fire, needs air to breath to grow. 

So what did I do when I recognized this is happening? 

Depends. 

Some will remove themselves. Because it’s easier that way to demonize us than to actually support us because they want us to succeed, just not more than them. Thank them. Trust me. They did us a favor. Send them peace and love and sasahay on.


Some we will actually have to calculate if the cost of having them in our life is worth it. Sadly the weight of those we hold dear to us is the very thing that holds us back. 

My advice on anyone or anything we have to let go of is just do it peacefully, compassionately and with as much ease and grace as possible. 

Just because we are no longer good fits doesn’t make one of us right or wrong or good or bad. 

It makes us different. And that’s beautiful too because we are all stumbling around done here in our own journeys towards truth and fulfillment. 

If they throw a fit or lob zingers at you: let them.

It speaks more about where they are in their journey than where we are in ours. 

I have key mantras that help keep me focused and moving forward to not get wrapped up and that is “stay in your lane”. 

Be you and do you. Hard. Focus on your purpose and stay true to it. Be inapologetic about it. 

The right ones will eventually line up to us.
We just have to open up and let them. 

Enough for now. 

All my love… 

a. Danielle βš“οΈ

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