A ditty on disappointment and perceived failure…. πŸ™

It’s okay to not be okay πŸ–€βš“οΈπŸŒͺ

Anyone else feeling an obscene amount of crazy going on inside and outside of you or is that just me??? 

I hope it’s just me because I am STRUGGLING. 

B.I.G. Time….  And it’s no bueno feeling like this. I don’t want you to either… 

What’s on my (crazy) brain today you ask??? 

I set a goal for myself a while ago that I had to have a funeral for today. I had to come to terms with the fact that I am not going to be able to achieve this goal. 

 Actually, I have a lot of goals for myself because I set the intention to co-create this beautifully, sparkly vision of what I want for my life that is so pristine and crystal clear and delicious that I can hardly contain myself!! 🌟✨⭐️

The issue I have is I am way too hard on myself. Anyone else have that problem??

I set a running goal and I had to come to terms with the fact that I am not going to hit it. Ugggg πŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ˜”.  Like triple gazillion Uggg.

Life happened… I somehow managed to get myself into a soul gang rape predicament a while back that rendered me immobile. For days…  In fact I am still recovering. 

If any of you have ever had the pleasure of interacting with a narcissist…. you KNOW how debilitating this is… A moment of silence and deep healing prayers for those of us with them in our lives and ESPECIALLY for the narc and their hearts so that one day they are able to feel higher vibrational feels like peace, love, joy, serenity… ❣️

I have a ton of irons in the fire right now and zero time for error. I am sure many of us are like this… between work, kids, taking care of sick loved ones…. school, whatever it may be, life can be WAY overwhelming at times… 

I recalibrated my mileage so that I would hit my goal… Seemed like a decent plan.

Not. So. Much. πŸ˜” 

But between the half marathons I was running daily to catch up and the recovery from the assault….. my mind, body and soul were screaming at me to stop… 

I should have EASILY hit my running goal. So I fought long and hard with myself (read: brutally beat myself up) on deciding to wave the white flag and admit that I was not going to be able to achieve it… 

Enter the sugar plums… and the rest of their shitty committee friends that turned this shit into an ambush. πŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺ

Have you ever paid attention to their highlight reel of bullshit they start slinging??? 

“You would have hit this goal if you just would have xyz’d better”…. “I can’t believe your a quitter and your giving up like this”… “You can’t even hit this goal that should have been CAKE for you to hit, your gonna be a big embarrassing failure in EVERYTHING else you do”….”Your a disgrace”…. πŸ™ 

And so on… Don’t have those voices???? PRAISE JESUS then. 

But for those us that do, I want to give my two cents about it. 

It pays to be in tuned and listen to our bodies cues. It truly does know what’s best for us… our brains just get in the way. 

I was drained today. I was supposed to run 10 miles. Every time I stand up I get lightheaded and see those little star things… I am in NO condition to push myself right now. I am behind on my deadlines for my coursework and that eats at me terribly. 

I fπŸ€ck up…  I am human. 

I feel overwhelmed as ALL get out. So much that my mindfulness and mediation, self love and self care training aren’t even touching this. 

In fact I want a sweet, delicious, succulent Xanax. Uggg. πŸ˜– Gazillion uggggs actually. 😣

So what are we supposed to do when we feel like everywhere we look the world is on fire around us?? And probably inside us also? πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯

If you have ever felt overwhelmed you know how terrible it can make us feel. It can make us feel isolated because God forbid we show to anyone else that are lives aren’t perfect and we are struggling.

It can make us feel worthless, make us paralyzed by panic and overwhelm, negatively affect our health and a slew other adverse things too numerous to mention. 

How did I navigate this?? 

I asked myself this simple but effective question to help ground me and redirect my energy…. 

I needed to know what the most loving thing I could do for myself in that instance was…. So I asked myself… 

Hear me out……. we know I’m crazy but I’m going somewhere with this. πŸ™ƒ

My heart, soul and body had been taking a beating. My sugar plums were launching missals and declaring warfare in my brain. 

I needed to decide what the most kind and caring thing for me would be. It meant that I had to stomach disappointment and perceived failure in the name of healing. 

I had to shut the shitty committee in my brain up. I had to trust what my inner guidance system was nonchalantly (screaming, begging and trying to get my attention) saying to me. πŸ™‚

I paused. I breathed. And I focused solely on making the next best step and went from there. It brought me to center and brought me the crumb of calm I needed to  shift the direction of the ship.

I searched high and low for that mother effin Xanax to appear 😜 Kiddin πŸ€” Sorta- ish. ☺️

But damn man… You ever get so wrapped up tight and constricted that you realize that you seriously forgot to probably breath for the entire day????

Lashed out uncharacteristically at the nearest love one you could find and ripped their peepers off their face and tossed them up in the air like confettis whilst simultaneously crying and wanting to be hugged?!!? πŸŒͺπŸŒͺπŸŒͺ

Whys it always got to be their peepers?? πŸ€”

At any rate, this is sooooo not good for our souls. But we cannot hide from life or the monsters that may be in it… As much as I would love to it’s not possible. 

So I feel like we need to be better armed at deescalating these types of situations with natural methods that are readily available in a flash. 

I could feel the momentum building on this little soirΓ©e of sorts…. So it wasn’t a surprise. But as life goes we are not fully able to control much…. but we can try and arm ourselves with tools to navigate through life’s curveballs more gracefully.

We can control how we choose to put ourselves and our (mental/spiritual) health and wellbeing as first order priority when shit goes down. 

It’s not easy mastering the pause. I know I need to do it. But when your in the grips of an episode it’s not always easy to respond productively. 

What I do know is this… we must be easy on ourselves… We are all works in progress. 

We are all struggling and stumbling to put one foot in front of the other some days. We are going to lose the show every once in a while… 

We must be quick to forgive ourselves. 

It’s uncomfortable to lose my spark ☹️ it bums me out. I am incredibly hard on myself ESPECIALLY when I miss the mark or fall short of something… 

I said this was a perceived failure because as I reflect on what was happening and the choices I made as I rode the wave of the crisis versus how I have handled similar situations in the past… I don’t see it as a failure at all now…. 

Instead I see it as a sign of growth and progress of me being able to better navigate high intensity emotions in situations of overwhelm. 

I’m at peace with that. 

And more than anything I want to say that it’s sooooo okay, not being okay. 

Many loving and healing prayers for handling the heavy energy that’s been hanging around… Prayers that we are all filled with strength and resilience to guide us through our days with as much grace and ease as possible… βš“οΈπŸ–€πŸŒͺ

All my love… 

a. Danielle ❣️

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